Homeschooling through high school: A letter to young ladies

If you've read this blog before you know that I am a mother of three young men. This doesn't mean that I don't care about young ladies or that I don't remember being young lady. In fact, the older my sons get the more concerned I become with the young ladies of our world.  My son's are blessed to have some lovely young ladies in their circles of friends, but I recently spoke with a mother who was very discouraged with the young ladies who were in her son's group.  She said 'These girls are no different from the girls in public schools, it doesn't matter that they are homeschooling or in private school, they are horrible to each other and to the boys!'  That breaks my heart!

When my sons each turned 11, my husband took time to read Every Young Man's Battle with them. This book opened the door for their father to teach them how to be respectful of young ladies, how to be respectful in general and why this is important, how to honor themselves with their actions, but most importantly how to honor and grow in a relationship with Jesus Christ.
I recently read the girl version of this book, however; it left me unimpressed.  So here are some highlights from about four different books that I sincerely hope young ladies are reading with their moms.  As a mother of boys I haven't researched what is available to help young ladies with their struggles, so if you know of a good resource, please let me know or post it in the comments so that other moms can find it.

Dear Young Ladies,
As a woman you are constantly surrounded by images, magazines, music, television and even other women telling you who you should be.  With all of these voices it is difficult to know the truth.  Even if you do know the truth it is often very hard to hang onto when everyone around you seems to think you are weird or sheltered or just plain wrong.  This letter isn't to scold you or make you feel bad about yourself, in fact, this letter is to help you know how to feel good about yourself without compromising your morals and values.  Every woman has a choice to make about where she will find the answer to the longing of her soul to be in relationship with others - I encourage you to choose to find that answer in the one who loves you more than He loved himself, the one who sacrificed everything to be with you, and the one who desires the very best things for you, Jesus Christ.
When I was five my family moved to a house in the rural Ohio countryside.  It was lovely.  I remember the first time I saw our 'backyard' full of golden fall grasses waving in the breeze.  Every moment possible I spent playing outside and discovering this wonderland which was my new home.  I remember swinging on our swing set, singing my lungs out, and running breathless through fields of Queen Annes lace dreaming about getting married. There could certainly be no flower more beautiful than Queen Anne's lace for a wedding. 

 

 

 

That imaginative play, envisioning a beautiful wedding witnessed by wildflowers, was followed by naming the imaginary children I would someday have.  In the evenings, after dinner, as it was time for bed, I would gather up each and every stuffed animal and baby doll I owned and tuck them into my bed because I didn't want any of them to feel left out.  My young heart was completely full.  I relate this story to you because I know you have some stories like this of your own. How do I know this?  Because you were created to love.  Females are born with the internal desire to nurture and love.  When God spoke to Adam and Eve in the garden he told them to 'Be fruitful and multiply.'  There were two people, and two commands there, the second command speaks right to the heart of every young lady - have a family, have a life full of love.  

Inside marriage we can 'Be fruitful and multiply.' But just like young men need to bounce their eyes in order to protect their minds and relationships from going too far in the physical sense, young ladies need to bounce their thoughts to protect their minds and relationships from going too far in the emotional sense. 

The world may say lust is normal for a young man and if he oogles young women that is because he is made that way and can't help himself. In the same way the world tells young ladies that longing is a normal part of growing up and that there isn't anything to be done about it. 

This idea is promoted in every preteen Disney channel television show.  How many times have you seen the cliché of a young girl rewriting her imaginary married name on a notebook one thousand times as she longs for Mr. Right to look her way?  While it is easy to point to examples of lust, it is difficult to point to examples of longing because the cause of lust is often external and the cause of longing is often internal.  The most obvious external factor I can point to as a cause of longing is the family.  Divorce, single parent homes, even absent male leadership (like a dad who is always busy, out of town, working) are the leading causes of longing in young ladies.  This, combined with the absence of a close love relationship with Jesus Christ, leave us in a world full of little girls growing into young women who long to be loved, cherished and protected. It is truly ironic that in a world full of the messages of the empowerment of women, we have still neglected their deepest inborn needs.

 

Young ladies, protect your heart from longing.  Young men are taught to bounce their eyes to avoid lust.  Young ladies have to learn to bounce their thoughts.  Young ladies who embrace longing often find that they do things which are not self respecting.  They obsess about boys, they dress to get the attention of boys, they spend all of their free time talking about boys and longing for a boy to like them.  They may call, text, IM, Facebook or otherwise stalk a boy, or many boys, seeking attention.  They may enter chat rooms and have inappropriate conversations with complete strangers, even agreeing to meet them, because the long for love.  They will flirt and act suggestively to get the attention that they long for. 

 

A few years ago my brother and my husband were working together at a call center.  They were both on break and talking about Christmas and upcoming family events.  They are not perfect - but if there are two examples of Godly men, Andrew and Drason would definitely qualify.  A younger woman, maybe in her twenties, walked passed them suggestively, and they bounced their eyes away and kept talking.  A few moments later the same girl walked passed them again, even more suggestively, and more slowly, making sure they would notice her.  Again they bounced their eyes away, kept talking, but this time they also moved away from the cafeteria where she was prowling around.  Amazingly, she followed them and 'accidentally bumped' into my brother.  If you know Andrew he is an honest and forthright person, he knew exactly what she was doing and rather than joke or flirt with her like she desired, he looked her in the eye, scowled, and said "I am ignoring you, go away."  When Drason related this story to me, he said her jaw about hit the floor, but she quickly recovered, looked pouty and replied "Don't you think I'm cute?"  To which they both replied, in unison, 'NO'.  She stomped off down the hallway and left them alone after that. 

 

This young woman's actions were ridiculous, she made a complete fool of herself in front of two Christian guys, one of whom was single and looking for a Godly woman to marry.  Young ladies, learn from this, a Godly man won't entertain the foolish behavior of a girl who has an issue with longing.  More importantly, an ungodly man WILL entertain you.  Imagine that encounter with two men who did not know the Lord.  Not only would they have been undressing her with their eyes, her coy invitation "Don't you think I'm cute?" likely would have resulted in a one night stand.  Because she longs for intimacy and relationship, she was willing to be physically available for men to enjoy.  An ungodly man's desire for her would not be rooted in wanting to satisfy her need for relationship, but rooted in his desire to use her body.  An ungodly man, seeing the longing for relationship in a young lady, will manipulate and use this longing, say anything (I love you, We could get married, You are the only girl for me) promise anything, to get what he really wants - your body.

 

Avoid opening yourself up to this kind of exploitation by learning to bounce your thoughts. If you find yourself daydreaming about a boy, or a relationship, purposefully find something else to do which will occupy your attention.  Practice a musical instrument, play a sport, read a book (not a romance novel!) find a way to push these thoughts away. 

 

Filter the things that come into your life.  That romance novel will likely lead to hours of longing for a relationship, throw it away.  Listening to popular music is also problematic.  Take these lyrics from a song by Rhianna

 

And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oh..)

Said it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I... love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

She says she hates herself for the longing she feels for this boy.

For the country music fans - how about a song from Taylor Swift:

 

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about,
And she's got everything that I have to live without.

Drew talks to me, I laugh 'cause it's just so funny [radio version]
  And I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

What a perfect description of longing. 

Young ladies, not only will longing place you in danger in this fallen world, not only will it leave you feeling miserable, cause you to act foolish, and take over your time.  Longing will damage you for your future relationship with the man God has in mind for you. 

Imagine your wedding day - maybe it is full of Queen Anne's lace - it is lovely and perfect and there is a faceless prince charming waiting for you at the altar.  Now imagine that he tells you, after you are married, that he has had countless physical relationships with other girls.  He looks at pornography and plans to continue, and he thinks you should be ok with that because he thinks it doesn't hurt anyone.  Would you still be enthralled?  or would you want to RUN away as fast as you could?  

When you spend your time longing after young men, you will enter into emotional relationships with those boys, sometimes even without their knowledge.  You will give away pieces of your heart to the boys you date or even become close friends with and you will damage the relationship you will one day have with your husband.  Not only will you hold you husband to an impossible imaginary standard, you will continue to experience this longing even after you are married.

Young women, if you desire a man who is free from a problem with lust, you need to be a woman who is free from a problem with longing. 

Remembering Christ's birth

Last year God brought someone into my life whose relationship with the Lord is very similar to mine - but her traditions with the Lord are all different.   At first I thought she was Jewish, but the more I spoke with her I realized that she was not, she is a Christ follower, a gentile, just like me.

This was very interesting to me - I mean - why would someone not participate in activities on a Friday evening? Why would someone not want to celebrate certain holidays, or as she called them holy days? When she said it that way it got me to thinking - holy days? What on earth is holy about Halloween? or Valentines day? but it was Christmas that REALLY got me! She doesn't celebrate CHRISTMAS?!?!? Why not! I mean that is a celebration of the birth of Jesus! Why wouldn't she celebrate that! 'She must be a part of some funny cult religion' I thought to myself and I made it a point to try to get to know her better. The more I spoke with her, the more I learned. She didn't sound like any cult member I had ever heard of! She knew the Bible, she had a living relationship with the Lord, She loves people, and she isn't recruiting into her beliefs - so why the difference? I have to admit I was too chicken to ask her, so I started studying this on my own.... Why would a person who clearly LOVES Jesus, not want to celebrate Christmas.

Through a year or more of research and studying and prayer, here is what I found.  You may be a little surprised - I know I was.  Below are some excerpts from a pagan website - a website that promotes earth worship-

"As we pagans already know, many of today's Christmas celebrations are rooted in pagan practices. The winter solstice is a time to celebrate the return of the sun following the shortest day in the year.  It's no wonder the church adopted these holidays as the birth date of their Savior.

December 25th,because of changes to the Gregorian calendar, is actually the pagan day which celebrates the rebirth of the sun, not the Birth of the Son - Jesus.  Jesus was likely born during the Feast of Tabernacles.  How do we know this?  We know this because the Bible gives us a trail to find this information if we look for it.  Zachariah was serving in the temple - he was of a certain family - each family served at a certain time of year - we know when Zachariah was serving.  After his service was completed he went home to his wife - conceived John and when the angel told Mary she would give birth to Jesus - Elizabeth was 6 months pregnant. (Scriptures to reference for yourself if you would like to do your own detective work - Luke 1:5,8,23,24,26,36,38)

Now the symbols of mistletoe, holly, pine trees, stockings, santa, and so many other 'traditions' also have their place in the worship of other 'deities'

 But from ancient Celtic and Norse mythology we also enjoy such holiday traditions as holly and mistletoe (sacred to the druids), the yule log, and even Santa Claus in his aspects of Father Time, or Father Winter, or the Holly King as part of our Yule History.We have to go back a bit find the pagan legend and myth associated with Santa. One of the first places to start is with the Germanic people and the Norse God Odin. The 13th Century Poetic Edda is a complication of stories and poems from Scandinavian history, some as early 985AD. In this work and from Snorri Sturluson's Prose Edda we learn about Odin riding an eight-legged horse named Sleipnir, that can leap great distances. At Yule, Odin leads a great hunting party through the sky in celebration. This story gives rise to comparisons of Santa and his 8 reindeer flying through the sky. In some traditions of Odin's Yule time ride, children could place their boots near the chimney filled with treats for Sleipnir and Odin would reward them for their kindness with food, candy or gifts. The tradition still continues Belgium, Germany and the Netherlands. In other Germanic countries the practice has been replaced with hanging stockings. 

 What about the tradition of giving gifts?  Where did this come from?

Ancient pagan deities such as Befana (a gift-giving Roman goddess); the Holly King (a Celtic Winter god); and Thor and Tomte (Norse gods who, respectively, rode across the sky in a chariots drawn by goats and gave presents to children at the end of the year) have all fed into the Santa legend. In many of these early pagan legends, presents are given to children or young families to represent abundance and fertility. After all this is the time of the rebirth of the Sun. Presents were exchanged to honor that rebirth and to give wishes or hopes to the person receiving the gift for abundance and fertility in the coming year. Though many of the stories retold today cannot be verified and are likely just oral stories that were created to entertain children and to further incorporate pagan legends with Christian figures."

I could have inserted quotes from a page of a Christ follower as it would contain the same factual information, but I thought it much more enlightening to link this one from a pagan.

What is the issue with items in our homes which have been offered to the false god's of other religions, it doesn't mean that to me, I am not worshiping a false god!   This is not the question - because we are not worshipping idols - we do not believe in those things and 1Corinthians 8 has already settled this question!

The real question is - Should we repurpose items used in the worship of false gods and incorporate them into the worship of God?   For me - I firmly believe that no, we should not.

1Peter 2:1-5
So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech. Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness. You are coming to Christ, who is the living cornerstone of God’s temple. He was rejected by people, but he was chosen by God for great honor. And you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple. What’s more, you are his holy priests. Through the mediation of Jesus Christ, you offer spiritual sacrifices that please God. (emphasis mine)

1 Peter 1: 13-15 So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world. So you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy."
Much of this has been recent in it's revelation, but we are learning and seeking a new and better way, God's way.


What are some good things we have discovered about this holiday? or Holy Day?

Singing praises, hymns and songs celebrating the birth of the Savior.

Luke 1:46- 55
46 Mary responded,
“Oh, how my soul praises the Lord.
47 How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!
48 For he took notice of his lowly servant girl,
and from now on all generations will call me blessed.
49 For the Mighty One is holy,
and he has done great things for me.
50 He shows mercy from generation to generation
to all who fear him.
51 His mighty arm has done tremendous things!
He has scattered the proud and haughty ones.
52 He has brought down princes from their thrones
and exalted the humble.
53 He has filled the hungry with good things
and sent the rich away with empty hands.
54 He has helped his servant Israel
and remembered to be merciful.
55 For he made this promise to our ancestors,
to Abraham and his children forever.”

Luke 2:13-14 Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God and saying, “Glory to God in highest heaven,
and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.”


Rejoicing and worshiping, thankful for God's provision

Luke 2:6-7 And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. She gave birth to her first child, a son. She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them.

There is a tree - although it is an olive tree and not a pine tree

Romans 11:17-20
But some of these branches from Abraham’s tree—some of the people of Israel—have been broken off. And you Gentiles, who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now you also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children, sharing in the rich nourishment from the root of God’s special olive tree. But you must not brag about being grafted in to replace the branches that were broken off. You are just a branch, not the root.
 “Well,” you may say, “those branches were broken off to make room for me.” Yes, but remember—those branches were broken off because they didn’t believe in Christ, and you are there because you do believe. So don’t think highly of yourself, but fear what could happen. For if God did not spare the original branches, he won’t spare you either.

But most importantly holding onto Faith and believing God for His promises.

Isaiah 9:6-7
For a child is born to us,
a son is given to us.
The government will rest on his shoulders.
And he will be called:
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
His government and its peace
will never end.
He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David
for all eternity.
The passionate commitment of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies
will make this happen!

Matthew 1:23 "Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means 'God is with us.'" 
Goodnight,
Amanda

 

 

SB 248 Withdrawn!!

Post by Senator Capri S. Cafaro.

This is great news for all homeschooling families in Ohio. 

I sincerely hope that Senator Cafaro will indeed follow up with Children's Services and find out exactly how and why this child was left in such terrible circumstances. Our prayers go out to Teddy's family tonight.  It must be terribly disappointing to believe that you had followed the correct channels to address this issue, only to discover that in truth it was the failed follow up of the local agency that likely contributed to this young man's death.  We are so sorry for your loss!

Ohio Senate Bill (SB) 248

I want to bring to your attention Ohio Senate Bill 248 -  commonly known as 'Teddy's law'.  If this were to become law there would be significant changes to homeschooling - including the option of social services to recommend that your child NOT be excused from school.

Senate Bill (SB) 248 was introduced on December 3, 2013, and would require children’s services to review all homeschool notices (the paper you turn in each year) to determine whether homeschooling is “in the best interest of the child.” Under this proposed legislation, children’s services would be required to meet with parents who choose to homeschool and conduct separate in-person interviews with each of their children. Children’s services would then make a recommendation for or against the excuse from compulsory school attendance.

Children’s services would automatically be required to recommend against homeschooling if they determine it is not in the child’s “best interest” or if the family has any record of a child welfare investigation, regardless of the result of that investigation. If there is a recommendation against homeschooling, the superintendent would be ordered to delay excusing the children from public education for the purposes of homeschooling until the family participates in a CPS parenting “intervention.”  (Basically, you would have an open case with Child Protective Services)

The ramifications of this law would not only negatively effect those currently homeschooling (about 20,000 children in Ohio) and intimidate families considering home schooling, it would also take the limited number of social service workers away from serious cases of abuse and focus their attention on home schooling families simply because they choose to home school. 
The writers of this law assume that homeschooling is abusive and that parents can not be trusted with the safety of their own children, rather government workers should be trusted with the safety and education of all children.  

Here is the Grandfather of the victim explaining this in his own words with Ohio Senator Cafaro 




The most tragic part of this story is the young man who lost his life.  Teddy's abuse was reported by friends, neighbors, public school educators and even other family members.  The very people this bill places in charge of the safety of home educated children, are those who ignored the pleas of multiple mandatory reporters and ultimately contributed to Teddy's death by doing nothing.

Please do not assume that some one else will respond to this proposed legislation.  As parents WE are called to protect and advocate for our children, not CHEO, or the HSLDA, or even our home school group leaders.
I respectfully ask that you take a moment to contact - via phone call - your state representative. 

When you contact these offices be firm and polite. Although this law is misguided, it was drafted in response to a terrible tragedy, and we should keep Teddy’s family in our thoughts and prayers.

If you live in Licking, Perry or Coshocton County your representative is:
Tim Schaffer - also a member of the Education committee - not eligible for another term
Senate Building
1 Capitol Square, 2nd Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-5838

If you live in Fairfield or Muskingum County your representative is:
Troy Balderson -also a member of the education committee - he is up for re-election in 2016
Senate Building
1 Capitol Square, Ground Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-8076

You can contact the bill’s sponsors using the following contact information:

Senator Cafaro (Primary Sponsor)
1 Capitol Square, Ground Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-7182
Email: http://www.ohiosenate.gov/senate/cafaro/contact

Senator Brown (Cosponsor)
1 Capitol Square, Ground Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-5204
Email: http://www.ohiosenate.gov/senate/brown/contact

Senator Turner (Cosponsor)
1 Capitol Square, 2nd Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-4583
Email: http://www.ohiosenate.gov/senate/turner/contact

Senator Schiavoni (Cosponsor)
1 Capitol Square, 2nd Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-8285
Email: http://www.ohiosenate.gov/senate/schiavoni/contact

 Here is a link to the full HSLDA story http://www.hslda.org/cms/?q=bill%2Fsenate-bill-248-require-childrens-services-review-homeschooling

"Can I be a cat?"

I am re-blogging this from January 2008.  It seems like just yesterday, but it was nearly 5 years ago!  Feeling sentimental - and if you ever hear us tell one of our children to 'be a cat' now you'll know what that means =)

A few nights ago Drason was dropping me off in front of South gate, it was really windy, so he dropped me at the door. Another driver proceeded to screech around him, honk and make a certain gesture. Macguines' asks his dad why he didn't respond. Drason tells Macguines "Be at peace." Everyone is quite for a few seconds while thinking this over, then Mason asks:

"Can I be a cat?"

Almost as funny as a reptile story I heard once :-)

But it got me to thinking....

How does one manage to be at peace?
Well, I guess there are three ways.

One is to be at peace with the lost.

Luke 6 :27-36 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. "

I know there are times I fail at this. Have you ever tried to return something to the store after Christmas, and wanted to chew out a sales clerk for not refunding the money? Ever gestured back at someone?

The second way is to be at peace with other Christians:

1 Thessalonians 5: 4-15
"But you, brothers, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

Have you ever heard the saying "If you want peace, prepare for war" It sounds like Paul had. First he says, you belong to the light, Jesus, so act like it. And then, put on the armor of God and live in peace, encouraging one another. Another verse that comes to mind. "1 Peter 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." Be careful that you aren't the one everyone else is struggling to live in peace with.

The third is to be at peace with God:
Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I don't know about you, but being at peace seems like a lot of work. How on earth does one accomplish this?

For the Christian, peace starts with a right relationship with God.

So "Be at peace" starts with me.

Now, how does one be a cat?

Homeschooling through High School - Blindspots - part 3

This is the last segment addressing some common sense solutions to the 'Home School Blindspots' listed in this article http://www.joshharris.com/2011/09/homeschool_blindspots.php  .  While I can agree many of the points made in the article, I had some major difficulty with the lack of common sense solutions provided.  Clearly, these solutions are what has worked for my family, and they may or may not work for yours, but the thought behind this is - let's not simply sit back and be critical - lets see how we can address these common issues.


7.) Over Dependence on Sheltering

We have all heard this in homeschooling.  It comes in the form of 'socialization' arguments, or well meaning extended family members.  I am not going to rehash why homeschooling is sheltering, why that shelter is needed, and how that shelter protects, provides, and children who have this shelter thrive and are very well socialized.  It is my job to shelter, period.
What I will talk about is how that sheltering can appear to teens.  I have a friend who has a son who really wanted to play a sport.  Her high school aged son lived in a school district that allowed kids to play sports at the school as long as they took two classes in the public school.  Her son, very athletic and energetic, begged - I mean BEGGED to be allowed to play, and so mom and dad agreed.  They went to the school, they enrolled him in the two classes. 
Within the first month of school there was a definite shift in their child.  My oldest is good friends with this boy and came to me with serious concerns that the boy might harm himself because he was so depressed.  He said he felt a dark cloud of oppression around the boy, and it scared him.  I encouraged my son to be a good friend, and I spoke to the mom about Macguines' concerns.  She said it had been a hard adjustment, but she thought it was beneficial to stop sheltering her son at this age.  A few weeks later she called to tell me her son had been attacked by three students in the locker room where there were no cameras or witnesses.  The three boys said her son started it and her son bore the brunt of the punishment - suspension - from the school. Still trying to work with the school, deceived by the officials, she allowed her son to continue.  It wasn't until the coach called and told her that her son would not be able to play sports since he didn't 'fit in' that they finally removed their son from this harmful situation.  I am sure there is more to this story and I do not relate it to pass judgment on this family.  I know they did what they thought was best for their child - and this is all any of us can do.  Her teen thought that he was being unfairly sheltered, prevented from the thing he wanted more than anything - he did not see his parents as his protectors, he saw them as his jailers.  This was not a correct assessment - and what 14 year really knows as much as they think they do?
At the same time - I think about this and the thought of 'over sheltering' children. My sons are in middle school and high school, they are not adults, they are still discovering who they are.  I sincerely believe that jr. high and high school is likely the WORST time to re-enroll a child in public school.  As a teen, they are shaping who they are in Christ, who they want to be, their dreams, their goals, and who they admire.  This isn't the time to throw them in with the sharks and hope they can not only swim, but survive, even if they BEG to be allowed to attend school.
Obviously, we plan to homeschool through high school.  I have heard the arguments from parents which say 'I want my kids to have ________ experience' or 'I went to high school and I turned out ok' or 'How will they discover who they are?' or 'I don't think I can teach high school classes' or 'I don't want my kids to be weird'  or 'They really want to go to school!' And while each of these arguments are sincerely held, none of them, NONE OF THEM, address the root argument here - Homeschooling is my calling.  It is what is God's call for my family.  It was not lifted when my boys turned the magical age of 13. We can have experiences, discovery and non-weirdness and still homeschool, but we can't be obedient to God if we aren't homeschooling.  Until God lifts that call - we will be homeschooling.  God's will isn't mysterious - He wants us to understand - if you are struggling with this - I would encourage you to follow the steps for a quiet time below and pray every single day for God to give you an answer.  By the way, in my experience,  no answer is a NO answer.

So, within homeschooling, how do we provide a safe environment, without over sheltering?
#1 - Create Community
I co-lead a homeschool co-op.  We have students there from preschool through high school.  This is a safe environment where my sons can have their own friends yet still be within the safety of a group that shares their values and beliefs.  This not only provides them with a social outlet, it reinforces the ideals they are taught at home.  For my personal family, we have talked about because their mom is the leader - it is possible that some students are nice to them to gain status and not because they are true friends.  You don't have to start a co-op to create a place for your student to step out a little bit - you could host a small study group at your home, you could start a special interest group with Legos or Band or Drama or Computers.  Find a way for your student to have community with their peers, which also involves you as an observer. As the leader, I have to be especially careful to step back and let the kids go.  I know this is a safe place, so I have to consciously step back and let them be in their own relationships.  This is harder than it sounds and I sometimes struggle with it, but it is absolutely necessary.
#2 - Interview
Yes it sounds a little odd, but my husband and I interview groups where our teens want to participate. Your teen may respond with  'That is sooo embarrassing' Why?  Why is this embarrassing?  Do you think that Dad lets Mom go anywhere and do anything without first checking to make sure it is safe? No. This is an example of Biblical leadership - Christ went first, and He doesn't send us where He himself did not go first.
So, we interviewed the youth pastor, and then another one, and then another one -three total - until we found a youth group that cut a good middle between having fun together and studying God's word and growing in community together. We interviewed a family that was a part of a local homeschooling group to see if we wanted to let our children participate there.  We interviewed the leaders of a Christian football program to see if they really taught what they said they believed. We interviewed a band director to see if he was really interested in the spiritual and not just the band. These are the ones that passed the interview - we interviewed others that did not pass.  They said 'Christian' but they lived clique.  They said 'Believers' but they lived all business, not grace, not love, not Christ.  Find places for your teens to participate in community, but INTERVIEW the community before you let them attend.  Those who are like minded, won't mind, and those do mind, don't matter.
#3 - Step back - way back. 
Mom - There is this tendency for people to think that because I am a homeschooling mom that I am not busy and so I should step up to help in every single arena where my kids participate.  They have clever ways of 'asking' for help couched in 'there is no one else to do it' or 'you aren't busy because your kid is here, right?'  I have the desire to see my kids.  I love them!  I want to be in community with them - so I am sometimes easy to convince because I want to be around them!  To all the mom's out there - and I am speaking to myself on this one too - Step back! Teens are able to manage, in certain environments, without you.  If you feel high pressure to commit to helping - consult with your husband before you commit.  SAY 'I will have to talk to my husband about that' before you commit to anything, and then, of course, talk to your husband.  Allow him to guard your schedule - but also allow him to stand in the gap for you and say to ministry leaders "If you need help, you will need to talk to me, not my wife." They may not like that response, they may try to push it, keep resting in your hubby and let him handle it!  If you absolutely have to commit, commit to be in a behind the scenes, very limited role- like 'I can bring snacks' - every teen gathering needs snacks =)
Teens - I am their co-op leader, so I am intentionally NOT involved in their other activities.  Teens need to have some space - it is in controlled environments - but it is their space.  They need to learn to be in community without their parents there to manage every detail.  They need time to be with other like minded teens and they need some freedom to make their own friendships.  Since we have interviewed the leaders of these ministries, we are comfortable letting them go.  This is not to say that every experience is a positive one.  Our teens have experienced gossipy girls, cliques, bullies, pecking order, and many other common teenage situations.  These experiences are things they discussed with us - in part - but also things that they gained confidence through coping with by themselves.  It was often painful to watch, but I thank God for the mercy and grace to allow me to step back and let it ride.  They gained the perspective to say "This activity wasn't fun last year (because of some of the people here), but I am going to stay another year because things can change and I am making friends." 

8.) Not passing on a Pure Faith
The church in Galatia was a great church - they had wonderful works.  I am sure they packed shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child, put on a spectacular Christmas productions, had free community meals, they participated in home school co-ops,  they abstained from anything that might look bad.  But they needed to understand one thing - good works do not equal a relationship with Jesus Christ.
I am deeply convinced that the reason young adults leave the church is because they have knowledge of how to be moral, but no knowledge of how to be in a relationship with Jesus.  The reason for this?  Lack of spiritual training.  Why?  Lack of spiritual knowledge by the adults in their lives.  Ouch!
We are so concerned for the way they are perceived by others, their reputation, that we overlook the way they are perceived by the Lord.  This is one of those things that I am on my knees, on my face, before the Lord about, constantly.  I am praying in the school room, praying at the foot of their beds, praying at their co-op, praying at the kitchen table, praying, praying, praying.  Lord give me wisdom to teach them how to be in relationship with You. 
The number one way I can teach this - the Bible.  There have been many books written about the Bible, someone's view of Biblical teaching, but the source is the Bible.  Start here.  We have asked our sons to do a daily quiet time. This is something we ourselves did not know how to do until we were adults -so here is a step by step guide.

Before you begin
1 - Pick a time -do it every day
2 - Have a Bible you understand -I love the NLT
3 - Have a notebook and a pencil

When you start
1 - Pray and ask God to speak to you
2 - Begin reading any book in the New Testament
3 - Read until something speaks to you - until you read something that jumps out at you - or 1 chapter.
4 - Write what you learned, how you feel about it, apply it to your life.
5 - Pray about the topic, thank God, submit your requests to the Lord - anything that is on your mind.
6 - write more if you need to =)

The Next Day
1 - Open your Bible to where you left off yesterday
2 - Pray and ask God to speak to you
3 - Read until something speaks to you - until you read something that jumps out at you - or 1 chapter.
4 - Write what you learned, how you feel about it, apply it to your life.
5 - Pray about the topic, thank God, submit your requests to the Lord - anything that is on your mind.
6 - write more if you need to =)

In addition to this, we have also added some character training to our home school.  We like this book for boys.  I have seen this book recommended for girls.  I also like some of the resources on this page http://thecharactercorner.com/character-store/

Developing a relationship with Christ is key - and as a parent, I can not teach what I do not know.  My relationship with Christ has to be right before I can have relationship - real, deep, abiding, love relationships with my husband, or my children.  Then, and only then, can I encourage this relationship in their lives.  Father help me, have mercy and bless me in spite of me.  On my face again and again before Him.  This is how we teach this. This is the only way to teach this.

9.)  Not cultivating a love relationship with our children

This is so important - so let me repeat myself
My relationship with Christ has to be right before I can have relationship - real, deep, abiding, love relationships with my husband, or my children. 
 Here are some practical ways to cultivate that relationship, think 'What does Christ do for me?'

Listen.  Really listen to what they have to say.  There is no issue with respectful questioning. 
Avoid arbitrary responses and decisions.  I saw a facebook post giving parents advice to respond to their children with 'asked and answered'  Wow - spectacularly bad advice for talking to teens.  Can you imagine the intense dislike and anger you would feel for ministry leaders, your husband, your boss at work, if they responded to your reasonable request with 'asked and answered?!?!?!'  You want to see an adult flip out -try giving them this response when they ask you a question.  Only the most arrogant people would ever attempt this - don't use it on your children, please!!! Build relationship by listening to them, and hearing them, and sometimes the answer is 'I'll think about it.'

Give the reason behind the rule. Use the Bible to clearly illustrate the reason we don't text after 9pm, the reason we hold the door in the rain, or carry things for the pregnant ladies, or volunteer to help clean up, or befriend the friendless, or do things we don't always enjoy doing. Teaching them to love others as they love themselves brings them into a closer relationship with others, with their parents, and most importantly, with the Lord.

Let them make as many decisions as possible.  Sometimes God lets us screw up.  Some of us have to learn by doing.  Letting my teens make as many decisions as possible is sometimes painful to watch, but it helps them to learn the right and the wrong ways to do things, and to fully understand a concept.

Love them unconditionally, and show them love constantly.  They will fall.  One of the most impactful statements I have ever made to my son is 'I was so disappointed with you.'  It is because of the relationship that this makes an impact.  There are some rules for this relationship - I will never harm you.  I always, always, always have what is very best for YOU at the front of my mind (even when it is not necessarily what is easiest for me),  I am your biggest cheerleader, I will believe you and have your back when others accuse you, I will correct you at home and in private whenever possible.  If I correct you in public, it is because it is absolutely needed.


The common thread to all of this - relationship.  If I am in a right relationship with Christ - I am able to be in a right relationship with my teens and I am able to bring them into a right relationship with Christ which keeps them in relationship with me. 

Build those relationships!

Homeschooling through High School - Blindspots - pt 2

A few weeks ago I began writing about a blog post I had seen awhile back and then it resurfaced from a friend and again I began thinking about this post and how it really needed some common sense solutions, some practical application added in...

Homeschool Blind Spots.  The farther I really read this article, the more in depth the topics become - so I am thinking a part 3 is probably in order =) 



5. Depending on Formulas - As homeschooling has been a part of our lives for quite some time now, we have learned that there is no one size fits all curriculum, no basic do this and that and achieve the greatest kids ever. The author takes a different view - he cites that homeschooling families are depending too much on themselves or 'even biblical formulas' to educate and bring our kids into a relationship with Christ. In the words of my dear old grandma, Hogwash! How dangerous it is that this man says 'everything good comes from God' and "We are completely God's workmanship' and concludes that we must then discard any method or formula to simply say we rely on God for everything. Yes, we do rely on God for everything, but that doesn't mean that I should sit on my hands. 'Do we sin so that grace may abound, certainly not!' God never told us to believe and then sit. He said believe, and OBEY, GO into all the world, MAKE disciples, TEACH your children, LIVE in the world. The New Testament is chock full of ways to bring up disciples in the Lord. Both things to do, and things not to do - I think we might call these- Formulas!

When our local superintendent of schools asked me why I choose to home school, I told him it was because of the 'culture'. He argued that the culture of each school is different, and I agree with that completely - even the culture of each homeschool is different. Maybe you have noticed the verse at the top of this blog - we do teach our children when we rise up and when we lay down, we have a culture of learning -but more than that - we have a culture of leaning. I am not the best speller, but I did spell that correctly - we learn and we lean. We lean on the Lord. We depend on Him for everything, and He has some formulas. Homeschooling families in general tend to be rebels. So following formulas isn't really our thing. But there are some formulas that we should be following, depending on, leaning on, to shape the culture in our school. One formula is Hosea 6:6 'I want you to show love more than I want burnt offerings.' another is Psalms 37:3-4 'Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and feed on his faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.' or Philippians 4:13 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!' and John 15:4-5 'Remain in Me and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.' Jesus, the Word (John 1:1) didn't come to make things more complicated. Jesus came to cut through all religious refuse! He came specifically to GIVE the formula! No one can come to the Father except through a relationship with ME.

As a secondary note, there is no sin in learning from those who have homeschooling experience, asking for their advice, tips and yes - even their formulas. Why would we refuse what we know is good? As I look at the relationships in my own life with other homeschooling mothers, I know that some of these women were ordained meetings, God brought us together to help and support each other! How foolish would it be to refuse that in search of some holier, new, inventive way. Jesus doesn't need a bunch of savants, he needs a bunch of obedient servants! Don't be the man who buries his talons, DO something with what God has given you! This is especially true with teens and young believers - give them something to DO! They are on fire for the Lord. Give them some training - ask them to spend time in God's word and then talk it over together. Send them on a mission trip, partner them with mentors - these aren't just formulas - they are Biblical teaching - and they work!


6. Over-Dependence on Authority and Control - He comes to the end of this and says we must win the hearts of our teenage children in order to influence what they do, not just legislate or depend on rules and authority. This is half of the truth. We have rules in our house. Rules like no texting after 9pm because we need to be respectful of other people. These rules are important - and they do hand in hand with the last point in this article about formulas. Texting might be new to this generation, but treating others with respect hails back to the days of Moses! Part of homeschooling is getting the opportunity to teach your children some life truths that the world doesn't want them to know. Such as:
Rules aren't there to hurt you, bind you, stifle you - they are there to protect you from harm.
Rules aren't arbitrary - there is always a reason, sometimes you don't see it.
Obedience is 'cool' - it is WAY COOL to share intimacy with just your spouse and not a community.
My Job, as your parent, is to help make you a good parent someday, a good husband, a good man. So my words of correction to you aren't there to hurt you - they are there to teach you.
It is better that you learn from the instruction of your parents then to learn that disrespect is unacceptable when you have a family to support and get fired from your job.

As our children have grown up we have not hidden these truths from them - or often given the reason for obedience of 'because I said'. We listen to them when they tell us why they don't want to follow a certain rule, and while it is rare that the rule will be lifted. It isn't rare that the reason for the rule - the life lesson that needs to be learned - will be given, taught, discussed and debated - sometimes for an hour. There is no punishment for asking why a rule must be followed if it is a genuine question. It can be very frustrating to have your teen (my teens) debate with me the merits of some rule I have made. But I have a secret weapon, it is sharper than a two edged sword.... God's word. When they ask the why - I can always, ALWAYS, always point them back to God's word - and His words aren't blind commands either - there is a reason - seek it out, follow His commands to the complete conclusion - God has my very best interest in mind - and the very best interest of my teens in mind. It is all about relationship - my relationship with them, my relationship with the Lord, their relationship with me, their relationship with the Lord. Living in relationship is hope and healing and a forever future.

Happy Homeschooling
Amanda

Homeschooling through High School - The Pecking Order

I have been kicking this around in my brain for a while now.  I hear snippets of conversations, see behaviors rewarded, other behaviors punished.  I see sons damaged who know they are damaged and sons damaged who do not know they are damaged and I think. 

I think about the kind of men I want my sons to be.  I think about the men they are called to be.  I think. 

I think a lot. These kids aren't my kids, but I still think about them. I still pray for them.

There is a kid I know who is a sweet kid.  He wants to please others, but he also wants his own way.  What teen doesn't?  His mother, nice lady, loves God, tries hard, constantly ridicules and corrects him in front of other people.  Kid deflates, gets angry, sulks, yells - feels humiliated.  Other kids pick on this kid - kid lashes out - mom can't figure out why. 

There is a kid I know who is a bully.  Mom thinks he hung the moon.  She ridicules her other children, but openly praises this one.  The kid struts around like a mean rooster looking for someone to tear up.  He found my kid - inner mom wants to eat this pompous brat - outer mom waits for son to find his own way.   Son is not used to kids like this one - he is frustrated, angry and relieved when bully finds a new stomping ground.  I am relieved too.

There is a kid I know who has no self control or desire to be a good kid.  His mom turns a blind eye, when she sees him act up she cries.  Dad isn't around much, kid runs the house.  Kid lashes out at another kid.  Lashed kid is shocked, his mouth hangs open, he tells an adult.  No control kid laughs and continues bad behavior, mother cries.

There is a kid I know who isn't the biggest kid, other kids pick at him.  Kid discovers that he is the smartest kid.  He finds his identity in his intelligence.  God calls now almost a man kid to serve in a way that does not require genius level intelligence- kid is afraid of losing standing - kid starts trying to be the most spiritual kid- kid struggles with God's call.

There is a kid I know who is nice to everyone.  He goes out of his way to be kind, he is faithful, honest, reliable and self assured.  Kid is above the fray of other kids jockeying for position - mom keeps trying to put him into this place or that place to help with socialization.  I want to say - STOP - your kid is already socialized very well - you have done a fantastic job!  Stop worrying!  Kid looks confused like 'am I supposed to participate in this mess?'
There is a kid I know who was very rebellious, he gave his parents fits.  Today his rebellion isn't overt.  He doesn't talk back, he doesn't speak against them, but he owns his own mind.  You can tell this kid is just biding his time until he is released from his parents.  His heart is set, his mind is set, and it isn't a good set - he is lost and seems determined to stay that way. Parents are happy with kids behavior, kid is happy parents don't yell at him anymore.

There is a kid I know who is now a man.  He never fit in anywhere.  He looked for friends but he was too far outside of normal to be accepted.  His mom let him stay home.  Then his mom let him do whatever he wanted.  He didn't want to study or learn, and his mom beat her head against the wall trying to teach him. Then he became a man and realized that what other people thought didn't matter as much as what he thought.  He decided to make something of himself, so he did.

There is a kid I know who now is a man.  Acceptance came easy for him.  He was always praised, crowned, leader of the pack.  I am sure that he faced some adversity in his life, but I could not tell you what it was and I have known him for many years.  He became a man.  He struggled.  His self was not based on who God said he was, or who he knew himself to be, his self was based on who others said he was.  He is a janitor now, he hangs his head.  He thinks it is demeaning to be a servant.  I want to tell him that it is not - that we are all called to serve and this is but a season of life -but he is not my son.

There are three boys I have.  I think they are wonderful.  I try not to tell them that because I don't want them to think they hung the moon.  God hung the moon. I am not a perfect mom.  My husband is not a perfect dad.  We do not subscribe to the idea of a pecking order.  We know that it exists and we know that it is wrong.  I have read Christian books about how good it is to have pecking order in boys, in the church, in the community.  These people are foolish.  Their words directly contradict God's Word.  The first shall be last, Jesus the servant sacrifice, sitting at the foot of the table, some of you are reigning already....on and on.

Some psychologists will tell you it is a natural part of growing up, that you can not shelter your kids from a pecking order and they are correct.  It is a natural part of life for a lost person - to see your worth as nothing more than the clothes you wear or the friends you make or the car you drive.  To spend life in the endless striving for popularity, success, money, power, prestige.  Here is a sermon link about this very topic http://vimeo.com/60022674 But there are a lot of other things that are also 'natural' for a lost person. They are not natural for my sons.  Once they were slaves to sin - dead - a part of the barren tree of Adam.  Today they have been grafted into the tree of Jesus - the old has passed away - they are a new creation in Christ - they are no longer slaves of sin - they are now slaves of righteousness - if they remain in Jesus (His will) they will bear much fruit. 

So if we do not teach our children how to survive the pecking order, what do we teach them?
Teach them to love God - remain in Him and seek Him  - Seek Him everyday!  He is Good, His will is perfect, He knows what He is doing, He loves us unconditionally, He will never hurt us - even when our circumstances hurt - God is faithful.
Teach them that life isn't about stumbling through, putting one foot in front of the other, hoping to be able to breathe some day - life is living and rejoicing in the Lord.  We can have joy even in darkness.  We can have joy even in suffering.  We can have joy in the mundane - Joy is Faith and Faith is Obedience.
Teach them that you can't hoard Joy.  Joy must be given away, it must be shared, sown, splattered on the lives of those around us.  Serving is giving away Joy.  Giving gifts is giving away Joy.  Spending time with the lowly is giving away Joy.  Holding hands with the sick is giving away Joy. Simply telling someone how much they mean to us is giving away Joy. 

I know some people - a lot of people - who do not understand this.  They can be cold, cruel, hurtful and downright mean.  I want to run and hide.  I want to shelter my children away from this - but if I do that I hoard the Joy -and it becomes bitter and barren and joyless.  If I do this I am participating in the pecking order by telling these people I am not worthy to participate.

The pecking order is sin simplified and displayed in children - it puts me first - my wishes - my will
I can not teach my children to run away.  I can not teach them to fight for a place.  I have to teach them God's way.  His way is being a slave of righteousness and counting it joy if the world hates you and being above the fray when people act like chickens.

And do you know who is above the chickens?  Eagles.  They soar with wings like Eagles, they walk and do not grow weary. They run and do not faint.

Teach your sons to be Eagles. 

Homescholling through Highschool - Blindspots

I recently came across this article - http://www.joshharris.com/2011/09/homeschool_blindspots.php  which is a repost of another article which I read a while ago and I remember chewing on it for a little while - puzzling it through and then thinking - Where were the solutions? Where were the practical, Biblical nuggets of advice for how to correct these things? 

So below are my responses to the homeschooling blind spots.  It's true that we all have blind spots.  It isn't true that there are no solutions to these issues or that we need to throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water!

Blind spot 1. Having Self-Centered Dreams
Some of the best advice ever given me by a Veteran Homeschooling Mom (VHM)  was to allow my children to determine their own path. WHAT?  I know that I gave her a rather quizzical look and she explained what she meant.  Every child, EVERY CHILD, has gifts and abilities, they have dreams and ambitions and goals.  As a parent of a younger child, my job is to provide appropriate opportunities to help them, and me, to discover these gifts .  As a parent of a teen, my job is to support that future -whatever it may be.  While I may have dreams of a four year college and elite scholarship opportunities, their dreams may not be like that at all!  If I continue to push for my way, to the exclusion of their dreams and ideas,  I am teaching them to value their wants over others needs.  If the dream I have of college is mostly about adult income - I may be teaching them to value money over God's calling in their lives.  And if we continue to push them, despite all evidence and desires of their hearts, am I not setting them up to fail? Will they not resent me in their adulthood? Why then would I be surprised if I raised children who abandoned their families, pursued money as an idol and were self-centered.

Blind Spot 2. Raising Family as an Idol

There is a time and a place for everything and to everything under heaven there is a season.  How does one place family as an idol?   We are given a limited amount of time here on earth and we have some things that we are called to do.  The most important of which is sharing the gospel. All believers are called to share the gospel.  We are also called to be in fellowship with one another.  We are also called to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  So how does sitting at home on a Saturday figure into that?  I am reminded of Paul who said 'Some of you are reigning already'  He was speaking to the new Christians and reminding them that they had some things that they needed to be doing - not just celebrating the good life while their neighbors were destined for Hell.  I think the only cure for this is service.  I can still hang with the family while serving meals at the local shelter and at the same time teach my children that Life isn't all about us.   High school is the time when our kids and finding the things that really peak their interest, things they enjoy. A lot.  If I teach my children that it is ok to have an idol - like my family - which I enjoy - A LOT - then they will think it is ok for them to have the idol that THEY enjoy - A LOT.  Life isn't all about enjoyment, pleasure, or relaxing. We were placed here to DO something - so we had better get to it! My suggestion would first be to dedicate yourselves to a group of believers -find a place to be challenged in the Word with others.  Then, find a place to serve, and serve the Lord with your whole hearts - even if it means sacrificing some family (video game/football/hangout/youth trip/you tube/ teenager) time!  

Blind Spot 3. Emphasizing Outward Form

I really hate this one - and I know that I am guilty of this one.  How many times have I said to my children 'You had better be as well behaved as the **** girls!'  It is so easy to focus on outward behavior, it is much more difficult and time consuming to focus on issues of the heart!   I am by no means an expert in this, but we have learned a few things by the GRACE of God! Teens are especially susceptible to this blind spot.  Someone once told me that my kids were so lucky to be homeschooling because they wouldn't feel the pressure to conform.  If only that were true.  Even home school kids feel the pressure to conform - but it is usually the pressure to be super spiritual, or act like your life is perfect, or use the right church speak.  I don't want my kids to be offensive, but at the same time I want to instill in them the importance of being a human being rather than a human pretending to be perfect.  Even in homeschool circles there are teenage cliques, groups, and social pressures to be the most best better than so and so.  A few years ago we stumbled across a book Preparing your Son for Everyman's Battle.  This book was a tool for my husband to begin an open dialogue with our sons about their hearts.  It is only the grace of God that allowed this to happen.  It was the right time, the right season, the right book, the right supports in Drason's life - all of these things worked together to shape our children.  This book might not be for everyone (there is also a girl version of this book) but it was a tool.  We desired and developed a close relationship with our children through talking about their concerns and having an attitude of acceptance and openness.  When kids had issues they were working through we went to God's Word together and talked it out sometimes explaining the deeper things of Christ. Teaching them about the attitude of Christ has helped to teach them how to love other people, accept other people, and has helped prevent cliques in many of our circles.  Another tool towards working on the inward soul was AWANA.  Our children attended AWANA each week and memorized Bible verses.  They enjoyed this time with their friends, but this time was also focused on learning God's word! 

Blind Spot 4. Tending to Judge

My sister once said to me "You think you are better than everyone because you homeschool!"  She compared me to a relative who, years ago, had told us how her children were better than my mother's children because they went to a private school. Looking at the results, all three of her children are believers, they all are married and have beautiful families.  Our family is not so picture perfect and there was some truth to what she said, but the way she said it wasn't as kind as I am sure she meant it.  As a homeschooling mom I have been approached by one mom or another who thought they had the answer to all of my homeschooling problems and who, well meaning, gave me some one size fits all 'if your kid could be like my kid' advice.  I know that I have also been on the giving end of this kind of advice and thank the LORD my friend didn't kick me, or leave, but just ignored me and later told me how my words had not been as uplifting as they were in my own mind. The root of all this?  Pride.  How do we conquer this?  Sometimes I think God keeps my life busy enough that I don't have time to look at everyone else's life - I had better just focus on my own.  There are two types of judging - one that judges the lost and one that judges the other believer.  My hubby wrote an entire blog on why judging the world is a foolish waste of time - and if you would like to read it you can find it here  - http://sillinfam.blogspot.com/2009/03/stupid-baby-eat-your-sandwich.html
What are some ways that homeschoolers demonstrate their pride? Excluding people from our circles based on their method of instruction, church membership (or lack thereof), or ideas.  Touting home instruction as the only instruction.  Judging not only people outside of our circles, but within.  This mom doesn't discipline her children enough, that one uses an older curriculum.  The ways are endless but the solution is simple - serve one another and focus on the tasks God has given me to do.  This leads to me to peace, contentedness and into a better relationship with God and with others.

There are four more blind spots - I will post about those four at a later time. 

Homeschooling through High School Part 2

I was talking with a friend of mine about high school today and some of the plans Macguines, and Drason and I have been kicking around and I realized there is A LOT more I could have written about this.  I am certainly not a pro at homeschooling - if you think I am you need to go back and read the first 10 chapters of this journey, I learn by trial and error just like everyone else!

But, one book I have found particularly helpful is

 

The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling Teens

 

 

This wonderful book greatly helped me clarify what so many mentor moms had tried to explain!

 

Some questions to thoughtfully consider....

 

Where is the best place for my child to experience the Grace of God which leads to repentance? 

Where is the best place for my child to grow towards Christian maturity?

Where is the best place for my child to develop his gifts and talents with a view towards God's future calling in his life?

 

It is my opinion that more important than any amount of education, more than any amount of football, more than any other anything in life - is our children's salvation, spiritual health, and eternal impact. 

 

I agree that some parents can take these concepts to the extreme, sheltering their students and being the 'helicopter mom'.  When our children were young, our goal in home education was to protect and provide for our children.  There were things in the world that they didn't need to experience. However, as they have reached middle school our focus has shifted from protect and provide to provide and prepare.   For us this means years of preparing and equipping our children with the knowledge and discernment to see truth, seek wisdom, and surrender to God's calling in their lives, have to be put into practice.  

 As a mother, it was difficult for me to make the shift from protect to prepare. 

Practically, this meant stepping back and letting my son find his own way in various situations.  In 6th grade the step back was hardly noticeable, but today you can see the gradual shift accomplished in the last 3-4 years. A few more freedoms, a little less hands on in the school room, and a little more listening to his opinions about friends and activities.  It was a hard sell for me, but the more I allowed him some freedom to express his desires and choose his path, the more he impressed me.  There have been times when he sought guidance, and there have been times when he was given guidance in spite of himself.  Our role as parents has not changed - we are still raising our children in the way of the Lord - but the methods have differed greatly.

The greatest difference is the relationship we have today.  When our children were younger our relationship was more clearly child and parent.  We set the rules, you follow them.  You don't follow them, there are consequences. We are responsible for your meals, clean clothing, and all other needs, you have very few responsibilities outside of just being obedient to your parents. 

As they have gotten older the relationships have become more parent/Christian mentor to child/young believer.  As my sons have grown, we have been blessed with conversation about many a topic and many a circumstance.  Sometimes we have struggled through with tears, other times we have reasoned through with logic, but we are hungering and thirsting after righteousness together!  I freely admit that our relationship with our sons has greatly influenced our ability to converse with them.  They are not perfect and neither are we, but we are seeking perfection together.

 

Here are some answers that we have found to be true of those questions...

 

"Homeschool is the natural setting for spiritual growth and the only one that can truly integrate a child's emotional, intellectual and moral development.  And that's important if we want kids to learn to live with integrity. Compartmentalizing our faith in life - being forced to leave it out of the equation at school or at work, especially during adolescence - is risky business.  In public school, children learn to disconnect their academic achievement and their knowledge base from the moorings of God as Creator and center of all they know and do.  It also fosters moral development to utilitarian purposes: 'I will play by the rules because I want the reward offered for doing so.' 

I 've found that much of the turmoil of adolescence is minimized in the context of homeschooling. Kids aren't asked to fight their internal battles while simultaneously coming to grips with living at odds with the culture.  And at home you can seamlessly move back and forth in addressing your child's emotional upheavals, academic tasks, and spiritual questions.  Homeschooling allows your teen to develop within a system that feeds his faith rather than eats away at it."  (The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling your Teen; Debra Bell p36-37)

 

Praying many blessings upon you and your home educated teens,

 

Amanda

 

 

 

 

 

 



Homeschooling through High School

It’s been a while since I have blogged about our homeschooling journey…

After the years of cuteness, fieldtrips, and educational material where I know all the answers to all the questions, came something else....

In much of the curriculum we have used there has been a definite shift in about the 6^th or 7^th grade.  Reading workbooks are now entitled ‘Literature’  Math went from long multiplication to fractions to integers to algebra.  The science book still has colorful pictures, but it also has experiments and science fair projects and is as thick as a few of my old college textbooks.  Days that were spent on fieldtrips to Dawes feeding the ducks, became hours that we could not afford to take off.  Time with my girlfriends while the kids played in the park became time with the kids one on one while we studied some long forgotten (to me) concept.  My patience melted under the added pressure of the tough topic.  In short, homeschooling became much harder.   

Up to this point homeschooling had been relatively easy.   Don’t get me wrong, my children didn’t leap joyfully from their beds asking to work on long multiplication while reading historical literature and eating whole organic homemade bread.   BUT, they were able to complete their lessons in a few hours each day, play for hours uninterrupted, pursue any topic which caught their interest,  help with a myriad of chores, and participate in many a field trip or activity.   

About two years ago, in April-ish – I began to purchase curriculum for my oldest and as I began to plan the coming year I realized that he was going to have a much larger scope of work.  So I called and asked a good friend some hard questions.

Is all middle school and high school curriculum this hard?

‘Yes, middle school is preparing your child for high school.  High school is preparing your child for college.  You certainly can take easier classes in middle school, but those lead to easier high school classes and perhaps not being able to go to college.  It could also lead to taking a year or two of remedial classes at the local community college.’  That was not what I wanted to hear.  I really wanted to hear that there were some super easy fun curriculums for Calculus that could miraculously teach advanced math is 20 minutes a day.  Sort of unrealistic, I know. 

What if I don’t feel comfortable teaching it or don’t understand it?

‘You may not understand it, that’s ok. There are a lot of ways around that.  You can use an online school, a correspondence course, courses on DVD’s.  You can hire a tutor, enroll in a co-op class… there are a number of things that you can do to achieve a high quality education for your student, you just have to be willing to put in the leg work to find it and finance it.’

Will we have time to do fun things? 

‘Definitely, but they will have to be things that really matter to your teen.  You won’t have time to do every fun thing, but they will have time to pursue the things that matter to them.’  I have also found this is also true.  As my oldest got older he stopped wanting to participate in certain activities, but thrived in other areas.  We dropped band, and he committed to apply himself diligently to his lessons so that he could play football.   My second oldest dropped sports and excelled in band, piano and is now in a local theater production.   He also committed to complete his school work before participating in these extra activities.

Will we have time for chores?

‘Maybe.  It depends on how you structure your day.  You need to prioritize.  What is more important, having well educated kids, or, having a manicured lawn?  Think about the things that they are involved in, are they more, less or equally important to their education?  At this stage of life they are basically working a full time job to complete their school work. Whatever is added on top of that needs to make sense for their lives.’

What about friends?

‘Teens need a good bit of hang out time.  They have their own friendships and they want to hang out with their friends just like you want to hang out with yours.  As far as friends for you,  make time to be away from your kids to have time with your friends.  Your students should have a schedule so that they can be left alone, away from you, and still complete their work.’

What if my kids don’t really want to be home educated, complete their work, or drop extraneous activities?

‘Listen to your teen.  They know their lives, they know their likes, they know their dislikes and sometimes they have a unique perspective on a situation that you have not seen.  That being said, you are still the parent, not the friend, and sometimes you may spend an hour explaining your reasoning and suggesting a path, and they still won’t agree with you.  There are some things that are a non starter – like not completing school work, or not being home educated, but there are other things that could go either way – let your student make as many of these decisions as you can.’

If I could do one thing differently to prepare for homeschooling through high school, I would…..

The oldest kid is always the test kid.  When I realized how difficult some of the work would be we withdrew from many activities so that he could be at home studying.  As a result my younger two were also at home more.  This at home time became a more structured routine and gave them some very good study habits.  If I could do one thing differently, I would have participated in fewer extra activities and field trips (unless they fit into the preordained afternoon and evening free time) when my oldest was in the 4^th and 5^th grades and would have more carefully guarded the hours each day when school work needed to be completed.  The transition from elementary work to middle school work was much smoother for my middle and youngest sons because they had this structure in place already.

The other reason I think I was so game to blow off a school day and make it up later was because my friends would be at the events.  I showed my children that I valued my fun social time more that I valued their school work.  This was not intentional, but in all honestly there were times when I should have said no, but instead I said yes.

Finally, I would suggest that parents who are dedicated to homeschooling surround themselves with like minded people.  So many homeschooling families stop homeschooling when their kids get to be a certain age.  My calling to home educate my children is something that isn’t a passing phase, it is a commitment.  When parents view their dedication to home education as a calling and not a choice, the option of not homeschooling is taken off the table and instead of focusing on issues you tend to focus on finding solutions.   

Support is out there for parents who want to home school through high school, but it can be difficult to find since so many families have planned from the start to home school only through the 5^th or 6^th grade.  Looking at an old roster I note that 11 out of 31 families, fully 1/3, have placed their children into the public schools.  I am not citing this to criticize families for their choice and I understand that God’s calling in my life is not necessarily the calling for their lives.  This post isn't an attack on any person who decides to place their children in public schools.  I point this out only to illustrate how important it is to surround yourself with families who share and support your homeschooling goals.

I have been blessed to have many ladies in my life who have home educated a child through high school, and I hope that I can be an encouragement to others who also want to complete this journey.