So below are my responses to the homeschooling blind spots. It's true that we all have blind spots. It isn't true that there are no solutions to these issues or that we need to throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water!
Blind spot 1. Having Self-Centered Dreams
Some of the best advice ever given me by a Veteran Homeschooling Mom (VHM) was to allow my children to determine their own path. WHAT? I know that I gave her a rather quizzical look and she explained what she meant. Every child, EVERY CHILD, has gifts and abilities, they have dreams and ambitions and goals. As a parent of a younger child, my job is to provide appropriate opportunities to help them, and me, to discover these gifts . As a parent of a teen, my job is to support that future -whatever it may be. While I may have dreams of a four year college and elite scholarship opportunities, their dreams may not be like that at all! If I continue to push for my way, to the exclusion of their dreams and ideas, I am teaching them to value their wants over others needs. If the dream I have of college is mostly about adult income - I may be teaching them to value money over God's calling in their lives. And if we continue to push them, despite all evidence and desires of their hearts, am I not setting them up to fail? Will they not resent me in their adulthood? Why then would I be surprised if I raised children who abandoned their families, pursued money as an idol and were self-centered.
Blind Spot 2. Raising Family as an Idol
There is a time and a place for everything and to everything under heaven there is a season. How does one place family as an idol? We are given a limited amount of time here on earth and we have some things that we are called to do. The most important of which is sharing the gospel. All believers are called to share the gospel. We are also called to be in fellowship with one another. We are also called to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. So how does sitting at home on a Saturday figure into that? I am reminded of Paul who said 'Some of you are reigning already' He was speaking to the new Christians and reminding them that they had some things that they needed to be doing - not just celebrating the good life while their neighbors were destined for Hell. I think the only cure for this is service. I can still hang with the family while serving meals at the local shelter and at the same time teach my children that Life isn't all about us. High school is the time when our kids and finding the things that really peak their interest, things they enjoy. A lot. If I teach my children that it is ok to have an idol - like my family - which I enjoy - A LOT - then they will think it is ok for them to have the idol that THEY enjoy - A LOT. Life isn't all about enjoyment, pleasure, or relaxing. We were placed here to DO something - so we had better get to it! My suggestion would first be to dedicate yourselves to a group of believers -find a place to be challenged in the Word with others. Then, find a place to serve, and serve the Lord with your whole hearts - even if it means sacrificing some family (video game/football/hangout/youth trip/you tube/ teenager) time!
Blind Spot 3. Emphasizing Outward Form
I really hate this one - and I know that I am guilty of this one. How many times have I said to my children 'You had better be as well behaved as the **** girls!' It is so easy to focus on outward behavior, it is much more difficult and time consuming to focus on issues of the heart! I am by no means an expert in this, but we have learned a few things by the GRACE of God! Teens are especially susceptible to this blind spot. Someone once told me that my kids were so lucky to be homeschooling because they wouldn't feel the pressure to conform. If only that were true. Even home school kids feel the pressure to conform - but it is usually the pressure to be super spiritual, or act like your life is perfect, or use the right church speak. I don't want my kids to be offensive, but at the same time I want to instill in them the importance of being a human being rather than a human pretending to be perfect. Even in homeschool circles there are teenage cliques, groups, and social pressures to be the most best better than so and so. A few years ago we stumbled across a book Preparing your Son for Everyman's Battle. This book was a tool for my husband to begin an open dialogue with our sons about their hearts. It is only the grace of God that allowed this to happen. It was the right time, the right season, the right book, the right supports in Drason's life - all of these things worked together to shape our children. This book might not be for everyone (there is also a girl version of this book) but it was a tool. We desired and developed a close relationship with our children through talking about their concerns and having an attitude of acceptance and openness. When kids had issues they were working through we went to God's Word together and talked it out sometimes explaining the deeper things of Christ. Teaching them about the attitude of Christ has helped to teach them how to love other people, accept other people, and has helped prevent cliques in many of our circles. Another tool towards working on the inward soul was AWANA. Our children attended AWANA each week and memorized Bible verses. They enjoyed this time with their friends, but this time was also focused on learning God's word!
Blind Spot 4. Tending to Judge
My sister once said to me "You think you are better than everyone because you homeschool!" She compared me to a relative who, years ago, had told us how her children were better than my mother's children because they went to a private school. Looking at the results, all three of her children are believers, they all are married and have beautiful families. Our family is not so picture perfect and there was some truth to what she said, but the way she said it wasn't as kind as I am sure she meant it. As a homeschooling mom I have been approached by one mom or another who thought they had the answer to all of my homeschooling problems and who, well meaning, gave me some one size fits all 'if your kid could be like my kid' advice. I know that I have also been on the giving end of this kind of advice and thank the LORD my friend didn't kick me, or leave, but just ignored me and later told me how my words had not been as uplifting as they were in my own mind. The root of all this? Pride. How do we conquer this? Sometimes I think God keeps my life busy enough that I don't have time to look at everyone else's life - I had better just focus on my own. There are two types of judging - one that judges the lost and one that judges the other believer. My hubby wrote an entire blog on why judging the world is a foolish waste of time - and if you would like to read it you can find it here - http://sillinfam.blogspot.com/2009/03/stupid-baby-eat-your-sandwich.html
What are some ways that homeschoolers demonstrate their pride? Excluding people from our circles based on their method of instruction, church membership (or lack thereof), or ideas. Touting home instruction as the only instruction. Judging not only people outside of our circles, but within. This mom doesn't discipline her children enough, that one uses an older curriculum. The ways are endless but the solution is simple - serve one another and focus on the tasks God has given me to do. This leads to me to peace, contentedness and into a better relationship with God and with others.
There are four more blind spots - I will post about those four at a later time.
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