We are home.

This weekend, a Christian leader at a conference, recorded and publicized, told another Christian leader to “Go Home” in large part because she is a woman.   

This behavior, demonstrated by the highest levels of respected teachers within the faith, is RAMPANT. Taking pot shots at other believers over disagreements and minor doctrinal issues has become a popular past time of those who claim to be faithful.   Wake up!  We cannot afford to send ANYBODY home.  We need every single faithful spirit-filled believer out on the front lines proclaiming the gospel so that MANY will come to know Christ.  

While I could write an entire blog about how/why God calls women into ministry, and that is an important issue, it is the subtext of this blog and not the main focus.  A few thoughts to ponder on your own: 

1.    Nothing in the flesh qualifies anyone to be a teacher or servant leader (which btw is the one of the only words used to describe pastors, Greek: Diakonos, in the New Testament and is also used to describe Phoebe) 

  

2.    Only the indwelling of God’s Holy Spirit gives any of us the ability to do anything worthy or worthwhile.  Not our maleness or femaleness.  

3.    Galatians 3:27-29 ESV   ^"For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slavenor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise." 

There is a study here on heirs and how property was passed from father to son in Israel.  Study how women were heirs -Old Testament – daughters given a portion of the land of Israel – and how they were not typically heirs.  Once you understand the custom Paul is describing, you begin to understand the weight of him saying that there are no longer male and female – but both are joint heirs with Christ. 

I've seen the hashtag #notgoinghome a few times since Monday in reference to the comments made - but perhaps a better one would have been #WeAreHome!

4.    There is a great video by Ravi Zacarias that also addresses the idea that women are somehow less, second class citizens in God’s eyes.  https://youtu.be/MD3CsFfLxlo  

But let’s just push pause on the whole “Can women teach?” question.  Can we just talk about the make-up of our churches these days? 

In a church – let’s say there are 100 adults.  Of the 100 adults 60 are women, 40 are men.  34 of the men are married to 34 of the women.  

Now consider children. Each married couple has 2 – so 68 more congregants, but a large portion of the additional 20 women who attend are either married to a partner who will not attend church or are single mothers. Fully 18 have children – so that’s another 36 congregants.  

Our church is shaping up nicely with 100 adults and 104 children.  – that’s an above average sized congregation of 204 people.  (The average church serves just 184!) 

Now with 40 men to serve the congregation – this little flock should be doing really well – but let’s look at those 40 men

68% are watching pornography – and they are watching it regularly.  Engaging in a sexual sin that totally disqualifies them from church leadership.  Shockingly, there is a 50/50 chance the pastor is also hooked on porn. 

Between 7- 10% of those men are involved in some sort of domestic or sexual violence. (that’s WITHIN the church, not a general population statistic) 30% of murdered women in Georgia, who were victims of domestic violence, had strong connections to their local church! 

Between 10-15% of parishioners have a serious issue with alcoholism or drug abuse  (men and women) 

Even if we say that all of these things are co-occurring, we decrease from 40 men who could serve down to about 12 who could serve.  Yet, if these things occur independently , and at the highest possible rates, we are down to a mere 2-3 men who are qualified to serve in the local church.  

Taking all of this into account -we should not be surprised that 38% of all marriages within the church are ending in divorce.  (BTW that is one of the lowest stats I could find, others place it closer to 50% and still others cite cohabitation as a reason it is not higher)

So how is our church shaping up?

40 men:

27 need significant male accountability and recovery focused programs.

65 women: 

25 have severe marital struggles, likely something to do with abuse and addiction. 

18 are single mothers or married to an unbeliever and need significant support

104 children:

Nursery and preschool programming during services is fairly typical

Sunday School, VBS, Awana and teen programs would be highly beneficial for these children

50 – 60 are growing up in a home with some sort of addiction

36 are growing up in a home that has only one parent or only one faith focused parent

AND:

Some congregants are older shut ins, they need help with basic things like mowing the grass and getting to the grocery. 

Some congregants are severely ill, in the hospital, and need a visit. 

Some are pregnant or have had a recent birth in the family and need help. 

Some have experienced a recent loss of a loved one and need comfort. 

Not to mention the overall State of the Church report released by Barna (https://www.barna.com/research/state-church-2016/) which reports that fully 56% of “chistians” state they have no responsibility to share the gospel.  

Considering all of this, is it any wonder why God is calling faithful women to serve him?   At the very least, the wives of faithful men need to active in serving the congregation!

And I come to the point – and perhaps it is a bit belabored and long winded and too full of facts and figures, but please hear me.  There is so much work to be done.  For the people in the back who still think this is about women teaching or some theological debate – THERE IS SO MUCH WORK TO BE DONE. 

Can we please stop taking cheap shots at each other and just be co-laborers in the kingdom?  

Isn’t there more than enough to keep every single one of us busy.  Isn’t there enough hurt and heartache and brokenness without trying to tear down good faithful ministry leaders? Have you not seen enough suffering and hurting people that you can stop finding fault with every ministry and person in ministry over something as foolish as whether or not they were born male or female and maybe instead spend your time trying to win souls?  Isn’t there enough here to keep the faithful busy for quite some time? I think there is. 

Blessings, 

Amanda

References:
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/04/06/christian-women-in-the-u-s-are-more-religious-than-their-male-counterparts/

https://conquerseries.com/why-68-percent-of-christian-men-watch-porn/

https://www.ministrymagazine.org/archive/1988/11/alcoholism-what-pastors-can-do

https://lifewayresearch.com/2018/09/18/pastors-more-likely-to-address-domestic-violence-still-lack-training/

https://rts.edu/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/201106-Saul-Steven.pdf

http://www.soc.duke.edu/natcong/Docs/NCSIII_report_final.pdf

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https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-rate-in-the-church-as-high-as-the-world/

Each child is vastly different

My boys were little and playing in the living room.  They were small enough to climb up and jump off the arm of the couch.  One grabbed a cape and leapt "I'm Batman" he cried.  Another jumped and said "I'm little red riding hood."  We still laugh about that to this day, and in his defense it was a red cape, but this story illustrates just how different two kids can be! I began realizing just how different they each were as we began homeschooling!

My youngest had a speech delay and dysgraphia.  He literally could not do the work necessary to learn to read. For this child we had to find some outside help in the form of speech therapies, glasses, tutoring and testing.  He would become very frustrated with himself if he couldn't complete things as quickly as his older brothers.  This would lead to melt downs and crying because he literally could not do what we were asking of him.   As a young homeschooling mom, I ended up sending him back to the public school for a year because they offered lots of "free" therapy for him and I felt completely ill equipped to teach him.  After a year, he still could not read and his speech had not improved.  I brought him back home and accompanied him to  a local speech therapist and tutor.  By attending his sessions with him, I learned how to help him correct his speech and how to better tutor him myself.  This one on one time with mom and professional helpers greatly aided him and he eventually grew out of his speech and reading/writing issues.   The methodology was different, but the foundation was the same.  We focused on math, reading and writing while doing fun things at our local co-op to support casual science and history learning.

My middle son loved school work.  I could hand him a workbook and he would finish the assignment and then work ahead until he lost interest.  We focused on the big three - math, reading and writing, but by February of the school year he had completed an entire years worth of curriculum.  I frantically called my homeschooling friend and asked what to do.  She suggested the library and allowing him to focus on "delight directed learning."  Delight directed learning is allowing the student to choose the topics they will learn about.  So off to the library we went and found ourselves in the children's non-fiction section.  He carefully selected some books after expressing his absolute delight that I would teach him about anything he wanted.  First we studied Native Americans... we checked out 30 -40 books and over the next month he devoured them learning all kinds of interesting things.  I even found him playing with his new imaginary best friend, Squanto.  The next month we learned all about sea life, crustaceans to dolphins, the Mariana Trench to the coral reef.  Then we learned all about Shakespeare and he even participated in a local community theater children's production.

My oldest son... I love him.  He is grown now and turned out OK, but goodness sakes there were days I thought I was going to lose my mind!   He didn't do his school work, not because he wasn't able, not because he needed a love of learning, but because he was a very strong willed child who did not want to, period. We tried diet changes, counseling, tutors, unit studies, delight directed learning, therapy, trainings for me, co-ops - you name it... nothing worked. Public school didn't work either - he was just as disobedient and unruly there.

You know what worked? Good old fashioned, hard core, consistent structure and discipline. Each day we had a schedule and we stuck to it -up at 7am, school by 8am, lunch at noon and afternoons outside playing, not on a screen, or inside playing with toys if the weather was bad. The weeks work was written on a whiteboard that he could see and read. We only did Math and Reading at this age - all science and history was field trips and fun stuff at a co-op. The morning was divided into 30 minute sections, for each 30 minutes that he worked and didn't throw a fit he got 5 minutes of screen time. (so the most you could earn was 40 minutes a day)  We, mom and dad together, sat down and explained the rules.

It took about 6 months to get him into this routine, but I had to be on it every single day. Always have things written on the board, always keeping the minutes tracked, always keeping us on schedule, and keeping my cool even when he was melting down. If he did melt down he went to his room to regain control, this usually took 10 - 20 minutes so he lost the opportunity for those 5 minutes of screen time. There were days he earned no screen time, but most days he earned most of it, and some days he earned all of it. After 6 months it was only occasionally that he wouldn't earn all of his screen time - maybe once every few weeks. Then after another year - he almost always earned it all. This was the only thing that worked for him.

The point is - there is no one right way to homeschool children, they each need something a little bit different and as a homeschooling parent you have the ability to custom fit your student's education to exactly what is best for them.   Even within the same family, what works well for one child may not work well for the others.  Flexibility, grace (including with yourself) and persistence were a few of the keys that unlocked a love of learning in my children.  Don't be afraid to ask for help, change up your schedule, or even look for parenting classes and trainings to help you on this journey.  They surely helped me to educate three very different boys.

Blessings,
Amanda

What do you use for....

Every year mom's ask, "What did you use for...?"  And there are lots of different answers and choices.

SO - here is my, year by year, what I used for Science for my kids... but before I share that - a few caveats.

#1 - My kids are not genius kids who are super motivated to always do school work and always do everything we ask them to do.  Any curriculum requires the parent to oversee the completion - there is no "right" or "perfect" curriculum.  Ultimately, parents and their students have to take the initiative to, you know, do the work.   There are definitely ways to make your job easier - like having a schedule, setting expectations together, making sure you - mom or dad - have the time to sit beside your student if that is what is needed, but like any BIG job it really requires showing up, day after day, and just doing the next thing.

#2 While I LOVE fun and engaging curriculum, the "fun level" of a curriculum did not solely determine whether or not we used that in our home. (see #1)

#3 This curriculum may work wonderfully for you, or it may NOT.  If it doesn't, that is OK! Find what works for you =)

#4 Not every kid can do high school level classes in middle school, and you may not finish every book, every year.  That is OK.  This schedule gives 2 years of cushion, if you find your student needs to work at a slower pace, WORK SLOWER.  If you get to high school and discover that Chemistry and Physics (and their math requirements) are beyond what you need to teach - substitute an Environmental Science class (which one son took through our community college) or a deeper study of Healthy Living,  Human Anatomy, even Astronomy can be a high school course.

This is what we did and my kids LOVED it.  We supplemented, we went on field trips, we did special projects, we blew things up, we did co-op classes and amazingly - they all had a TON of fun and LOVED their science classes.  Hope this blesses your family!

K-2nd: Apologia Flying Creatures, Swimming Creatures, and Land Animals - because all of my kids loved studying animals at this age.  Learning about habitats, doing a special project about a favorite animal and visiting the zoo - all were favorites of my littles

3rd- 5th - Apologia Astronomy (although I have pictured an updated edition) The Human Body and Exploring creation with Chemistry and Physics.  Astronomy was exciting and fun - we visited the planetarium and completed many of the fun experiments in this book.  Next we did Chemistry and Physics - which also involved a good deal of fun experimentation and understanding the world around us.  In 5th grade we used Apologia Human Anatomy ad Physiology and combined this with ABeka's 5th grade Enjoying Good Health.

6th and 7th grade, these can be taken in either order, as long as the student is taking PreAlgebra with Physical Science, or before Physical Science.   Physical Science can count as a high school science - even when taken in the 7th grade.  

Biology has no math requirement and is commonly taken in the 8th grade as a high school science.  This course should include a lab element and while those dissections can be gross and stinky - we LOVED doing these with our co-op and found that not only did this keep our home clean and odor free - it also encouraged the kids that they could experience this with their peers. 

Chemistry is a high school level course and a student must be taking Algebra 1 concurrently or have completed Algebra 1 prior to this course.  I have pictured the 2nd edition of the book rather than the 3rd because this is what we used and because the 3rd has had several negative reviews.  Chemistry was also a lab class and was best done (for us) in a group setting. 

Physics is a high school course and a student must be taking Algebra 2 concurrently or have completed Algebra 2 prior to taking this class. We enjoyed this class in a group setting with all the labs and the kids had a blast!

We choose to start harder sciences at an earlier age so that our kids could have two years of post secondary classes while still in high school.  These college level classes seemed intimidating at first but we found that these classes were not as difficult as we thought.  Many college level classes were entirely manageable and completed online where our students could see assignments, ask for help, and even get online tutoring, all in one place. 

Hope this helps with the "What do you use for...." question =)

Blessings, 

Amanda

Be an encourager!

In 2004 the movie "Mean Girls" hit theaters and from it was born 100's of memes and pop culture references.  This movie resonated with many young women because they were experiencing this phenomena in their high schools and colleges.

For those who didn't see the movie, the basic story follows a new girl moves into town who had been homeschooled because her parents worked in Africa.  Back in the states, she enrolls, for the first time, in a public high school and discovers that it resembles the wild animal kingdom of Africa.  Attractive and interesting, she gains the attention of the high school bully, Regina George.  Regina is outwardly perfect, popular, and surrounds herself with the pretty girls who are mean, petty, spiteful and generally make everyone around them miserable.  Regina first recruits the new girl into her clique, but later rejects her.  Neither girl is genuinely nice but over time the new girl learns how to be a kinder person.

They say art imitates culture, or is it that culture imitates art?  Fast forward to 2019 and the girls who were in high school or college when "Mean Girls" came out in theaters, are the thirty something young moms of today.  It's scary, but walk into almost any mom group and you can easily start to identify cliques, much like in the movie....

The crunchy moms - They only always eat all organic, they love essential oils, their kids don't know what a pop tart is

The sports mom - everything is all about (insert sport here), she has a great tan from sitting in the bleachers, cooler in the mini-van full of healthy snacks and Gatorade

There's the working moms, and the work from home moms, and the super involved mom, the super spiritual mom, the moms of kids with special needs, the stay at home mom...

Finally, just like in the movie, there are the "cool" moms.  These mom's aren't like regular moms. These are often the mean moms.

Mean moms have some key character traits (again resembling the movie).

Mean moms pretend their lives are perfect.  When my kids were little, bringing snacks for the soccer team was probably a rice crispy treat and a juice box (and that would have been a little bit extra!) With the popularity of Pinterest, my kid can't eat a snack unless it looks like an animal, or have a party unless there are 47 different station games.  Each mom trying to out do the last with the cute snack or the best treat.  One mom literally paid a professional cake decorator to make the treats for a school party!

Pretending to be perfect is just that - pretend.  Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 10 how people only look so good when they are comparing themselves with other people, not with God's standards.  None of us are perfect, we know that, and a good thing- because God doesn't use the perfect, and He won't allow false/vain glory, only Glory that is in Him.

1 Corinthians 1:26-31 (NASB)
"26 For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; 27 but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, 28 and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, 29 so that no man may boast before God. 30 But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption, 31 so that, just as it is written, “Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

Mean moms are pushy and generally think their ideas are the only good ones.  A mom was sharing in an online group about something as simple as when to start babies on solid foods.  A commentator said "you're going to kill your kids" This is extreme, and who does this? Who goes online with the express purpose of making other people feel bad?   Another time I was attending a meet up for homeschooling moms and a mom was sharing about her desire to homeschool without using a set curricula, but by gathering free resources from online and at the library.   Another mom spoke up commenting that her kids would be uneducated and unable to get a job when they were older.  Mom shaming is real and rampant!

Mean moms talk behind other mom's backs. At a gathering a few years ago I overheard a group of mom's bashing a mom whose son had acted up and who had just left in tears.  Rather than reassuring her that all boys that age act up sometimes, or walking her to her car to give her a hug (which I did) or even commiserating the difficulties in raising kids, they waited until she left to spout off about how great their kids were and how bad hers was.  Yep - meeting of the mean moms.  Voiced as a concern, one mean mom, pointed out that another mom hadn't looked well lately and her kids "looked like they needed new clothes and a bath" she followed that statement with a mean chuckle...  Other moms agreed that she looked pretty worn out and someone commented that her twins were probably giving her grief again.  Even couched in sympathy, these mean mom's motives are clear - belittle and exclude.

Judging a mom, or criticizing her for her parenting choices, is flat out wrong.  Waiting until a mom leaves to talk about what a bad mom she is, or expressing "concern" over her children, is insincere, dishonoring, and hurtful.

Romans 12: 9-18 (ESV)
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Mean moms try to build a group of followers, known to psychologists as "Flying Monkeys".  A friend of mine once asked a question on a group thread in a mommy group online.   The first mom responded politely, then the mean moms joined in, one rudely disagreeing, another mocking her,  and finally some commenting saying "what she said".  Another time a mom went around to multiple others telling them to drop out of our mom group to avoid another mom she had a problem with.

"...It's bullying 101: Belittling someone else's choice makes you feel better about your own. Art Markman, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of Brain Briefs, points to the scientific and historical evidence that people within a social group—like women with kids around the same age—gain stature by tearing down others around them. "It's easy to maintain a sense of group cohesion by creating a distinction between an in-group and an out-group," he explains. By being mean to outsiders, the clique is strengthened and the mean moms' status in the group rises. Yes, it's all very junior high—and no, it's not uncommon in adulthood. "It is actually a deep part of human social interactions," says Markman. The way he puts it, bullies are narcissists, and narcissists prop up their self-esteem through the energy of other people. "You see this in-group and out-group behavior in business, with fans of sports teams, and with cliques of moms."

Mean moms lie.

Something really remarkable which happens in the movie is when the mean girl, Regina, can't get her way, when she has been out-smarted and is undone, she lies.  She takes her "burn book" and attributes it to the new girl.  She does this to generate sympathy for herself, to destroy the reputation of the new girl who has become more popular, and to destroy her community- if she can't be the "Queen bee" no one can. (the new girl had also become quite mean)
If a mean mom can't recruit other moms to follow her by her over the top Pintrest crafts, virtuous opinions, shaming, bullying, and coalition building - she will lie and try to destroy the reputation of any mom's who oppose her.  I can not tell you the number of outright falsehoods I have heard repeated back to me by a mom who was the acting "flying monkey" of a mean mom.  I once sat in a meeting where someone was indignant that the gossip they had heard, believed, and repeated - was proven to be completely untrue.  They were shocked.  They had been lied to by a mean mom (really a group of mean moms) and they had bought into the lies.

2 Timothy 3:1-13
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 6 For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, 7 always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. 8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men corrupted in mind and disqualified regarding the faith. 9 But they will not get very far, for their folly will be plain to all, as was that of those two men.

This isn't how Moms, or anyone for that matter, should treat each other.  Our culture approaches this issue from a point of morality.  It is good to be nice and kind to one another, so we should all do that. Scripture goes a bit farther in casting down some of these things, but scripture also gives us a TON of ways to be a mom the loves Jesus and loves others.

1. Serve others without the desire to make them look less than in the process and only Jesus is the savior, not any other person.

John 13:12-17
12 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. 13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

2. Speak kindly to others - even over the internet

Proverbs 16: 24
Kind words are like honey—
sweet to the soul and healthy for the body

.

3.  Realize that Gossip is something most women struggle with, understand it's damaging effects and train yourself to avoid it. Here is an article about gossip that is completely spot on,

https://newspring.cc/articles/what-does-the-bible-say-about-gossip

4.  Realize this isn't about you. Healthy, happy, Godly people don't act like this - or if they do, they realize it and sincerely try to right their wrongs. 

Ephesians 6:10-2010 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.

5. Don't fall into the trap of unreasonably judging others who belong to Christ. There is a time and a place for good judgement.  That isn't when a mom is asking about breastfeeding options, or choosing a homeschool curriculum.   The Apostle Paul wrote Romans 14 - which cautions at least twice not to judge others, but also wrote 1 Corinthians 4 which recommends expulsion of a "believer" partaking in incest. Clearly we are to judge, but that judgement isn't over minor trivial things.  It should be reserved and used to protect moms and their kids, not humiliate them

Make the choice not to be a mean mom, not to enable mean moms.  Mom's need to hear that they are doing a good job and their efforts are noticed and appreciated!   Be a mom that uplifts, encourages, and cheers on the other moms.   

Mercy for the Special Cases

Before I was a homeschooling mom, I was a counselor.  One thing I learned through this is that everyone is a special case.... I have sat across from liars who lied for a special reason, and drunks who drank for a special reason and they all said to me that they were the exception to the rule. The abuser who abused, the cheater who cheated, the liar who lied, the thief who stole, the gossip who back stabbed - all had a special reason why the rules should not apply to them.

NEWS FLASH - the rules still apply.

As a counselor I had a choice, I could allow myself to be sucked into their world by either commiserating with them; agree that they indeed were the special case, or confronting the absurd belief that had left them broken, humiliated, lonely, lost and generally in a heap of trouble -  I could chose to have mercy, provide them with the tools that they needed to succeed.  Many of my clients over the years were in severe legal trouble, many had been or were shortly headed to prison. They did not chose to seek counseling, most were one court order away from walking out the door and never looking back.  If I treated them with indifference, they would never change; confront them with the truth and help them move beyond that and they thank me even to this day. My choice made all the difference.

There is a thin line between confrontation which seeks justice, payment, and retribution and one that confronts in the hopes of them finding reconciliation and restoration.

Is it possible to desire justice and also desire reconciliation?

It is, but only when you recognize your job as a counselor.  When you read the job description for counselor you will find that no where in that description is the word punish or judge. It was the judge in their case who determined their sentence.  My job was reconciliation.  Just trust the judge and leave the punishment to the one in charge of punishment.

As a counselor, I learned to trust the judge.  The judge did not call me and ask me what I thought of how he discharged his duties.  In fact, most of the time I was not ever consulted, simply a report submitted.
My report was spread out on a conference table somewhere next to dozens of other reports. There was a report from the jailer, the arresting officer, the accuser; there were reports and testimonials from the friends and families of the accused, reports from professionals doctors, hospitals.  All of these reports had bearing on the sentence of the convicted, and my report was there among them. 

 
Broken people sat in my office and begged me to write favorable reports; pretense was laid aside and hearts were poured out. 'PLEASE HAVE MERCY!' was uttered in a thousand different ways.  I have the ability to have mercy, I do not have the ability to judge fairly, and I had to tell them, 'I am not the judge.'  Shoulders slumped, faces wilted, hearts fell, it seemed there was no hope, no mercy to be had.  

There is another conference room....

Reports numbering in the millions lay spread across the conference table of Heaven. God leaned in over them. He, knowing every word, every testimony, every crime, knew that The Law demanded justice. The verdict was clear and it didn't look pretty. But then God did something amazing. He turned to Jesus, who had also seen every report, and asked him to satisfy the Law, serve the sentence, pay the price. The price was death, but Jesus agreed!

Where do the roads of justice and reconciliation meet? At the intersection of Love, on a cross.

Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  

Amazing how in that one verse both justice and reconciliation are satisfied through Christ's love.

Rejoice! Heaven's Angels sing! There was a party in Heaven the day I accept Christ's work. They opened up the conference room, cleared off the table, broke out the bubbly, cut the cake and threw confetti! Praise JESUS! He did it again! 

Now here comes the hard part, we can all appreciate mercy which applies to our own lives. But can we apply mercy when it come to the lives of others? 

 
There is another conference room table in the halls of every heart, and it is stacked high with reports.
'You were unfaithful', 'you cheated me', 'you stole from me', 'you lied to me', 'you stabbed me in the back'. Every reader has a choice. Clear the table and have a party, or re-read every word. Pour out mercy applied or dwell on every accusation. Chose love or allow bitterness and anger to produce a ruling.

The Author of Mercy, is pretty clear on this one. 

Romans 15:7-8 7 Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory. 8 Remember that Christ came as a servant to the Jews to show that God is true to the promises he made to their ancestors.

Colossians 3:12-14 12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.

Romans 12:9-18 9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! 17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Philippians 2: 1-4 1 Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. 3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

All Sunday school children know John 3:16, maybe we would do well to make sure they also learned 1John 3:16 16 We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.

This isn't a new concept for us - we know this.   We know we should forgive.  But so many times we would rather play the judge, we would rather sit down and pout, spew out bitter words, hold hatred in our hearts, refuse to even speak to the person who has offended us.  What if Christ treated us in this way? What would the courtroom look like then?

The most common excuse for being a special case? "You don't understand, you don't know what they did..."  Here's the thing - God knows.  You are not the judge, you are supposed to help the Counselor. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 

Romans 5:8  But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

John 15:16a "You didn’t choose me. I chose you" 

The next time someone hurts you, offends you, or betrays you, and you find yourself at the cross roads of justice and reconciliation; hear the truth that you are not a special case, but you are dearly loved and chosen by God Himself....

.....and then remember that your choice makes all the difference.