Callings

How does one understand a "call". I have really struggled with this for several years while I tried to figure out what God wanted me to do with life. There were always some things that I knew I should do, but how does one know what they are called to do?
I can remember when Drason and I were first married and I felt very strongly that I was supposed to be a good wife and later a good mother, but this wasn't God calling me to do these things, this was just common sense. As a Christian there are going to be some common sense things we need to do.
Later on I remember when Grandma Keen first started to get sick, and needed 24 hour a day care, I remember feeling a burden to help her and ended up staying with her 2-3 nights a week. I also helped organize other family members, and nurses aides, so that she would have 24 hour a day care. Was this God's calling? Yes and no. Yes we as Christians are called to care for the sick, among other things,(Matthew 25:37-46) Jesus tells the disciples that when they care for the sick they care for him. But this was not God's call to serve him with my life, I felt this was what I was supposed to be doing because it is God's will that we do these things, everyday, or whenever the opportunity presents itself.
From this experience I met a Nurse who asked me "Are you a social worker?" and when I told her I was not she said "You should be." Now that had never happened before, and I was looking for direction, purpose in my life, so I started back to college, and before long it was clear that this was where God wanted me. I found a job in the field after being in school a few months, and was able to work there until I graduated. During this time I felt on track with God's plan, I know that this was God's call for me, and all in all I have worked in the field for about 7 years. I have enjoyed being a social worker and now a counselor. I love being able to share my experience strength and hope with others who are struggling.
But in November of 2005 things started to fall apart for me. I lost a good paying counseling job, I went on unemployment and I struggled to find a job for almost 6 months. I ended up taking a job, in sales, that I knew(nobody is perfect!) was the wrong place for me because I thought "We have to have some money coming in." (Me taking control winds up poorly - I quit about 3 months later)
I felt resentful that I had lost that counseling job, and then resentful that the job I took in April 2006 was not the place for me. I felt angry with myself for creating this mess and then for sitting in it rather than cleaning it up. And I felt thankful that God is merciful, and forgiving, and is still patient with me. I had worked for LAPP during this entire time, on a part time basis, and I began to get more hours in September 2006.
Since September we have been financially solvent, however, I know that LAPP is not the place that God wants me, it is merely a stop over on the way to somewhere else. After all of this I started praying, God what do you want me to do? I still had some ideas about getting another counseling position, volunteer work in the community....but nothing seemed to pan out. (What are the odds of a non-profit agency rejecting a well qualified counselor as a volunteer? Apparently 100%.)
God is working even when we don't know it.
About 1-2 weeks before Easter Pastor Noel preached on experiencing a complete spiritual collapse, and I have to tell you I sat there thinking, "That was me."
Drason just told me this the other day, he said he was mowing the lawn last summer and listening to the radio. He said a commercial came on about a Christian music web cast that accepts unsolicited demos. He said that when he heard this he realized that he could get me a gift certificate to a recording studio for Christmas. He said God told him to do this.
My first question was - why didn't you tell me?- he says to me, because I wasn't supposed to, this was something you had to figure out for yourself.
So after Christmas, (because he gave me the gift certificate) I started thinking about this, and almost immediately dismiss it as a husband who thinks highly of his wife. But it kept nagging at me, that I need to do this, I need to figure out how to do this. I started praying about it and I felt like I wasn't getting any clarity, so I kept praying and praying and praying.
About 2-3 weeks ago this was so heavy on my heart, and I was driving in my car, I felt so strongly that I had to pull over, and emotionally cried out to God, "What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?" and He answered, clearly, without any doubt, without anything that depended on me- He answered.
Why did it take so long to know for sure? Maybe God was waiting until I was at the point that I was really listening, maybe he knew that I needed to go through all of these things so that I would know that he always provides a way for us. Maybe my heart wasn't right with him, and so he waited until it was.
Can a person be "called" more than once in their life? Yes, I think so. Just as we grow and change, the world is also changing. Maybe he calls us first to one place and then to another. I know I was called to be a counselor and that now I am called to something else.
The most important thing I have learned is that we can know, for sure, God's purpose for us. God has a plan for each of us, we just need to seek this plan and listen for his call. It's not about a feeling, or anything material or prideful, it is simply about His plans for you . Jeremiah 29:11-14 11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."