The cure for the insecure

In my last post I explained a little bit about a bible study I am doing on relationships.  I emailed 10 people personally - so far I have gotten 4 responses, 4 promises to respond, and 2 non - responses.
I have had some great encouragements, a few surprises, and yes, even a thing or two that hurt my pride.

Everyone is insecure about something. One reason why a few people may not have responded to my request is because they KNOW that I have some insecurities, or because they themselves are insecure. They know that whatever they say it will be filtered through all of those insecurities and could possibly cause an issue in our relationship, OR because they are insecure, they are afraid of rejection.

What is it like to be around an insecure person? An insecure leader is impossible to follow - they are blown about by every wind.  An insecure spouse is difficult to love - you feel like you are always walking on egg shells, you never know what you will say that will set them off, cause a fight, and nothing you do is ever good enough to prove your love. An insecure friend is draining - they are always worried about what others think, they call constantly, they gossip, they cry, they manipulate. And the way we know all that is because we ALL know some insecure people.
We all struggle with insecurity.

Look at the Barbara Walters show - about three fourths of the way through the show the guests always start crying, why? They have everything! These are the rich, the powerful, the amazingly beautiful or successful - so what on earth are they crying about? They are insecure.   Insecurity is one of the biggest influences on that climate. Throughout life we have failures and difficult experiences, and we hear negative comments from people who are important to us. They stick to us - comments, failures, success, everyday things, these things feed our insecurities until it feel like we are carrying the world on our shoulders!  Everything someone says to us, everything they do, the look they have on their face, the way they fold their arms - we start to see all of this through the lens of our own insecurities.  So how do we deal with this?

Take a look at Paul.

Phil 3:3-14

³ For we who worship by the Spirit of God are the ones who are truly circumcised. We rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. We put no confidence in human effort, ⁴ though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if others have reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have even more!
⁵ I was circumcised when I was eight days old. I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin—a real Hebrew if there ever was one! I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law. ⁶ I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church. And as for righteousness, I obeyed the law without fault.
⁷ I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. ⁸ Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ ⁹ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, ¹¹ so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!   ¹² I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. ¹³ No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Boast about nothing else but the label that God has given us. 
Paul lists a list of labels that in our culture would be like saying I have millions in the bank, I have super model looks, a big beautiful house, a shiny Lamborghini -and whatever were gains to me I consider a loss - I consider all these things garbage - that I may gain Christ - this is the only label that I want.  

What labels do I want? Do I want the label super mom? or better yet super homeschooling mom?
Do I want the label of popular? the label of successful? the label of beautiful? the label of nice house, nice things, nice cars? Do I want the labels of perfect kids? Perfect husband? Perfect marriage?

Would I lay down all of these to gain the label of   'This belongs to Christ' ?

The kicker is I don't even have those labels - the things that I so desperately seek - the things that I want to be seen as above all else, I can never fully achieve. Only with the label of 'Christ's' do I even come close.

Paul really puts the cherry on top when he says:  Phil 4:13 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'

We love this verse, everybody loves this verse. We all love the first part - but it is really the second part where the power is - through Christ.

God sees us through Christ.

At the heart of insecurity is the FEAR of rejection - God has not given me a spirit of FEAR - I need to reject those fearful thoughts at the door!

Acceptance is the cure for insecurity. God has accepted me and given me his spirit. God unconditionally loves me. He accepts me. Through Christ I have been accepted. When you see yourself the way that God sees you - it changes all the insecurities that you have - they go away.

The climate of your relationships improve when you see yourself as God sees you. Seeing yourself as God sees you gives you strength to do whatever it is that you need to do. God accepts you. God accepts you. God accepts you.
God sees you and he accepts you just as you are. He doesn't just accept you - GOD LOVES YOU.

Whose acceptance are you trying to achieve with all the labels that you seek? Because God doesn't see you through the lens of the world, the standard of beauty, the standard of living, the standard of (fill in your own blank here) God sees you THROUGH CHRIST.

Seeking after all these other labels - means we give our time, our energy, the best parts of ourselves seeking to find peace with our idols. This is wreaking your health, your family, and we are trying to earn other peoples acceptance, and not living in the acceptance of God.

James 1:8 says " A double minded man is unstable in all his ways"

A double minded man - The word here used, δίψυχος dipsuchos occurs only here and in James 4:8. It means, properly, one who has two souls; then one who is wavering or inconstant. It is applicable to a man who has no settled principles; who is controlled by passion; who is influenced by popular feeling; who is now inclined to one opinion or course of conduct, and now to another. (Barnes Bible Commentary)

What labels has the world given you? What labels has God given you? Of these two, which one do you want to live with? Do you want to live with the labels of the world? If so keep seeking them, keep foolishly following after the things you will never gain. Or you could take a rest. You could rest in the labels that your Heavenly Father gives you. Rest and live in peace and the assurance of God's love and acceptance for you.

1. What's something you're really good at? Do you do it because you love it or because it wins you acceptance from others?
2. What is the one thing you'd most like to change about your emotional climate? Why?
3. Why is it difficult for us to believe that God accepts us?
4. How would your relationships change if you stopped seeking the acceptance of others because you knew you already had God's acceptance?

We work for acceptance, yet we already have the acceptance of the one who matters most: God. The climate of your relationships will change when you see you as God sees you.

Write down the words of one of the scriptures below and carry them around with you this week. Use them to help you remember whose acceptance matters most.

I can do all this through CHRIST who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
 James 1:8

Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.
James 4:8

Climate Change - it's not what you think =)

A Bible study that I am doing has some homework this week

The homework is simple: Ask 10 Christian friends, whose opinion you respect -

"What it is like to be in a relationship with me?"

The second part of the homework is this no matter what they say - I can not get angry or upset about it.  The information as they present it will be neutral to my life.  What I do with that information will be the positive or the negative.

Some of the people I am asking I have known a long time, some not so long, some are my friends, some I work with (ie home school stuff) some are my family.   Some,  I am not really sure I want to know their answer. I know that there will be things people say that will encourage me, that will surprise me, and even that might hurt my pride. 

I can not stress enough how much I really did not want to ask!!!
  It would be much easier to just say, 'Everything is fine, of course!' But that is like using your credit card and never opening the statement but telling yourself, "Everything is fine, of course!"  Saying it doesn't make it true!
  We would look at the person who never opens their credit card statements as a complete fool, immature, incapable of being a responsible person.  But in light of eternity, how important is it that you open your credit card statements vs. say, opening your relationship statements?  Is Jesus in heaven running a credit check?  Is he running a relationship check?  Ouch!

It takes a lot to ask this question.  Why is it so important?  A friend of ours used to say 'We see ourselves in light of our intentions.  We see others in light of their actions.'  How true this is, and furthermore, others see us in light of our actions.  Our perception of ourselves can be very different than the perception that other have of us. 

Now I am certainly not saying that we should throw ourselves on the alter of perceptions, worship the polls of public opinion and mold ourselves into a more pleasing likeness of who knows what to make the people in our lives happy.  BUT if I can ask people whose opinion I highly respect, and seek guidance from other believers, then I am not molding myself into some worldly creation - but rather using their wisdom and insight to mold myself into a closer representation of Christ, while working on improving something that Christ highly values, relationships =) 

Christ doesn't just value His relationship with me, but also my relationships with others.  Over and over again Christ tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, and to encourage other believes to good works.  The premise of this study is Climate.  Every relationship, every interaction with others, has a climate, and is that climate a warm sunny blessing, or a dark dreary curse?  I desire that my life be a blessing to those around me, so I had better open up those relationship statements do the relationship checks that keep me, and everyone around me, healthy and happy.



  Thank you for helping me with my homework =)

Best Sermon Series EVER - part 2

Best Sermon Series - I had a blog post about a year or so ago about my all time favorite sermon series.  It was absolutely clear, God inspired, and amazing. Here is the link to my post http://sillinfam.blogspot.com/2010/05/blog-post.html

Unfortunately, the Pastor who preached this series no longer works at the church where he preached it - and as such they have removed ALL of his sermons. 
Anyhow, it seems God's spirit will not be quenched  so another pastor is preaching a very similar series RIGHT NOW =)

His series is entitled 'Christian:It's not what you think!' and if you call yourself a Christian, a Christ Follower, a Disciple of Christ - or if you don't care one fig - take the time to listen to what he has to say - it will rock your world!

The Pastor's name is Andy Stanley and he is pastor of North Point Community Church in
Alpharetta, GA.

Here is the link - there are 8 parts so you can click through them once you follow it =)

#1 - Brand Recognition http://www.northpoint.org/messages/christian
#2 - Quitters
#3 - Insiders Outsiders
#4 - Showing Up
#5 - When Gracie met Truthy
#6 - Angry Birds
#7 - Loopholes
#8 - Working it out

Wellspring

I have to admit that the past year has been quite the blur!  When I think about it, I can't remember a lot of the specifics, just generally running around!

We are do-ers.  We like to be busy, we like to be active.  The kids play sports, Drason and I volunteer, and the time flies away!

As this past January rolled around, we were exhausted, and very much in need of some family time.  February came and even though Drason was still job hunting, we were able to take a much needed family vacation!  The week we spent in DC went WAY too fast, but it gave us time to renew our spirits together, to draw closer to each other, and to draw closer to God. Sometimes it takes stepping away from the din of every day life to hear that still small voice calling to us.....

....look how big your kids are getting, they are growing into young men
....your family likes having your attention, they need it even
....remember what it was like to be responsible for this family first, and others families second

As the months rolled on, more and more I became convinced that maybe it wasn't healthy to always be on call, to be a go to person, or at least not to be that way for a long period of time.
 It also occurred that we had allowed some unhealthy thinking to wiggle into our lives.  Thoughts like, 'I am personally responsible for every one's happiness, every one's ability to get along, every one's attitudes and actions.'  How easy it is to get sucked into this kind of thinking, which leads to wanting to control, wanting to 'fix' and wanting to 'help'.  Both Drason and I began to consider these things, and prayerfully consider where we could help, how we were spending our time, and where our time was best spent in service to God and to each other!

Just by chance a good friend of mine hosted a Bible Study about healthy ways of thinking, and I somehow found the time to go (or perhaps it was by Design? =)   As we worked through the weekly assignments this winter and spring, I began to see and hear what she, and others were saying!  "Do you really need to be involved in everything?"  I heard her ask one evening.   Ouch, that stung! I have to admit I left in a huff that night, but during the week her words kept coming back to me over and over again.  Every good reason I had, every logical choice, crumbled under the words she had spoken and caused me to look at whether or not I felt I did need to always be the go to person, or did I have worth beyond what I could do for others? I thought so, my friend thought so, would other people think so?

This was a hard thing to grasp.  I am certainly not suggesting that we all live as moochers for our entire lives, and let others take care of us while demanding their affections.  But sometimes it is enough to do your best, play your part, and then step aside so that others may play theirs.  It is only pride and fear that keep us center stage.  Either the belief that only we could ever do a job well, or the belief that if we stop, no one will ever start up again, that strokes the ego and makes the heart haughty.  Combine those dysfunctional thoughts with fear, 'Will people judge me if I stop?' or 'Will all this work mean nothing?' and you get a fearful temperament to boot! 

Fear and pride, twin roaring lions at the door of my thought closet, (their group also occasionally hosts anger and self doubt), roar day and night.  And when surrounded by the business of life, these messages can be convincing and terrifying.

Again and again I have to come back to some key verses to tame these lions.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalms 19:14

Stop those thoughts in their tracks and rely on my Father for my provision, my strength and my salvation.

I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11

Teach my thoughts to obey! Deny access to accusations, fear, pride, doubt, and focus instead on some of the promises of scripture.  For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2Tim1:7
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8:38-39

My own personal KO for those roaring doubts and roaring fears?  Substituting Me and I in a scripture promise, what a difference it makes : Who are you to condemn someone else's servants? My own master will judge whether I stand or fall. And with the Lord's help, I will stand and receive His approval. Romans 14:4

Why are these things important?  Why is it so important to guard the door of your heart and mind and extinguish the fiery darts of the devil before they can take over? 

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23
My heart is the wellspring of my life.  Another versions says: Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.  And yet another version Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

My heart (my thoughts, feelings, emotions, longings, desires, dreams, ambitions, priorities and responsibilities) determine the course of, and the issues of, and the sustaining power of, my life. 
That is so important to realize!  It sounds so simple, but oh! how often I forget. 

As summer comes, I am finally stepping away from a few things.  Countless hours have been spent in prayer over these decisions, and peace, assurance and relief come mixed with renewed vigor for the callings my Father has placed in my life.  There is more time for family dinners, and baseball games, and gardening and simply living life!

Knowing these decisions have been bathed in prayer allows me to be confident and more committed to my family and to places where God has given me permission to serve, and clarity in all matters. 

From the heart flows the wellspring of life.  Amen!

ps - ELCC is one of those special areas where God has given us permission to go all out!  Love lavishly, serve selflessly, and be ridiculously real =)