I read something this morning that turned my stomach - I thought - I can not be reading this right, there must be some mistake. But after further investigation I found there was no mistake, a "Christian" book teaching young women to focus on outward beauty, even body measurements and a caloric guide (with a few chapters at the end that throw in gossip and communication, conflict resolution via "breaking fellowship" - are you kidding me!!!)
A good Christian girl taught to live the lies of the world - that charm, poise, and body size can be used as power over other people. You will feel superior and look superior, so your ideas will be given more consideration and you will be able to bait a good husband. This book actually acknowledges that this is the way of the world "fair or unfair".
While I am not naive enough to believe that this is untrue - I thought we were supposed to be teaching our children to be Godly adults - to work at this so they will not stumble as we have- not how to water down truth with a way to wield power and fit in with the world. I was so disappointed when I read this - but on a good note - it explains so much!
I am not a mother of daughters, but I am a mother of sons - and I plan to buy that book and read it to them so that they know just what to watch out for and when to RUN the other way!!!!!
So this came to mind
10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life. (she is honest)
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life. (she is loyal)
13 She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it. (she looks for ways to serve)
14 She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar. (she is resourceful)
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. (she is dedicated)
16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard. (she is a good money manager)
17 She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night. (she goes the extra mile)
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber. (she is always working for her family)
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy. (she is merciful and generous)
21 She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm clothes. (she is prepared)
22 She makes her own bedspreads. (she is industrious)
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. ( she is like royalty, with all her hard work her husband adores her)
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders. (behind every good man....)
24 She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants. (she is come up in the world, because of her dedication)
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.
28 Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
Not once does this mention her "poise" or how she should cross her legs at the ankle, how she should have good posture, learn to speak enticements without being obvious, or focus her attention on beauty- there is however another section of Proverbs that does address this!
1) FLATTERY--She "flatters with her words" (Proverbs 2:16). "Her mouth is smoother than oil" (Proverbs 5:3). See also Proverbs 7:21; 6:24 and compare Proverbs 22:14. She uses "sweet talk." She draws people to herself with nice, inviting language. She has charm to her voice ( I am sure it is not deep or gravely- that was expressly mentioned in the book) and her words pull a man to herself as a magnet.
2) BEAUTY--This woman is outwardly beautiful (Proverbs 6:24-25). She is attractive to the eyes. While there is nothing wrong with dressing discreetly and attractively - there is something wrong with it if the motive is to attract and attain approval from men or from the world.
3) LOCATION--This woman knows where to locate herself so as to be most effective(see Proverbs 7:11-12). A skilled fisherman needs to know where to drop his line. To catch mice you need to know where to place the mousetrap. This woman knows where to place herself.
4) DECORATIONS--This woman knows how to decorate herself and her surroundings (Proverbs 7:10,16,17). She must look attractive, and this is done by clothes, perfumes, make-up, etc. All of this is done to draw attention to herself and wield power over others. In contrast, the believing woman is concerned about MODESTY (1 Timothy 2:9). She gives careful thought to what she should wear and how she should dress. She knows that she is not to be conformed to the world’s standards (Rom. 12:2), and must set aside many of the popular attitudes and fashions of the day. At the same time she ought to display good taste in the clothing she wears, not drawing attention to herself with extremism in either direction: The message that comes from the life and witness of a modest and humble believing woman is this: "Look at Christ living in me (Gal. 2:20). I belong to the Son of God." Such a woman is rare (Proverbs 31:10). On the other hand, by her attitudes, manipulations and dress (or lack of dress) the immodest, and haughty woman is saying, "Look at me! I am so much sweeter! Look at what I offer!"
5) ARRANGEMENTS--This woman tries to make all the necessary arrangements so that people will think they can spend time with her and get away with it. See Proverbs 7:14 and 7:19-20. This idea is something like this: "It’s all arranged. It’s all set up. No one will ever know that you were with me. You can do it and get away with it and you will not suffer any ill effects or bad consequences. Everything has been taken care of; there is nothing to worry about and there is no reason why you should not do this!"
6) THE FINAL INVITATION--See Proverbs 7:18,21 and Proverbs 9:16-17. By now she is irresistible. She has a man right where she wants him. Now she moves in for the kill!
Lord,
Please help the parents of this generation to see through the lies of the world and surround themselves with the Truth of Your Word. Please help us to not place our focus on manipulations and worldly power, beauty and charm - but on the things of Your world with Your perspective. Please guide Drason and I in raising sons who can see through the manipulations and poise of a girl whose heart has been deceived and help us to give them perspective so that they might live to glorify You. Amen
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