His Strength

There are times when I am frustrated. October brought news that Drason's college fees would not be paid, certain repairs on our home would not be completed this year.  Yet, in November, God provided an unknown scholarship to help him complete his classes.  He will graduate Magna Cum Laude in January.  Sometimes God speaks to us in a gentle whisper, sometimes a shout, sometimes He expects us to know His will, trust Him, and just keep walking forward.  We did and He did the work.

December brought it's own challenges - for the first time in many years I accepted a job outside of our home.  We learned a LOT this month.  The Lord revealed to me, again, how beloved I am in His sight.  He is my strength and shield.  He reminded me of my capacity, ability.  He showed me again that in my weakness He is strong and His Glory is what matters.  God likes what others call garbage - and uses the weak for his purposes.  He also showed me once again that I am able to do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and revealed personal value in a way that, while friends may speak it, it's sometimes easy to see yourself as "just a mom/wife/worker"  The JOY of the Lord was my strength.  I found joy in a simple, yet physically demanding task, and was able to share that joy with others around me -  "Let your light so shine before men that the will see it and glorify your Father in Heaven"  I found the opportunity to create community and a spirit of helpfulness and good works in a workplace where I was only there very temporarily.  What a blessing!

In addition we have sought the Lord in how to handle family differences and how to honor the Lord in our holiday celebrations, This year God opened doors with family that had not been opened before, allowing for the opportunity for offence to be removed and for peace to prevail. It was joyous and relaxing!

At the end of my job I was randomly selected and given a bonus (which was very much needed to meet our financial needs), my supervisors praised me, my husband was proud of my accomplishments.  Because God opened the doors to allow us to skip some family things without offence - we were protected from a rather nasty bug that was passed around.  We have had all of our needs provided for, our bills paid, and Drason also will receive a bonus for his hard work and dedication.

These blessings are awesome and I am humbled by them. God is so good to us.  His mercies are new each morning, His love is unfailing. Thank you Lord for all you have done for us!

November 30th my van wound up in a ditch (it was a wet day) and we have been waiting all month to get our vehicle repaired - the insurance company is being rather slow.  How can I, in the face of all this, doubt that God will provide for us and give us the repairs or the vehicle that we need.  Father God, your strength is made perfect in my weakness, you see value where others see trash. Please help us to overcome this latest hurtle.  Thank you for all of your blessings - help us know how to best honor you Lord.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen. 

Living Water

Some days you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, with no where near enough sleep and you wonder how you will make it through the day, how will you keep pouring out when you feel empty.  It’s still dark outside – who in their right mind gets up this early?!  Filled with founts of living water, that rushing stream, it’s He who lets, and really causes, me to walk and not grow weary, to run and not faint.  How is this possible? I am not supermom, I feel so inadequate to the tasks before me, so much so that I crash back under the covers before the day even begins….

And then… there’s a friend who needs to have a sick day at home, can I watch the kids? Sure. And another kid whose sister is so pale sick and hurting, can I give him a ride? How can I not! And there’s these three cheery faces – can you watch over them too? Mom and brother are sick again, don’t want to chance it – and in the end I’m watching 9 kids and somehow everyone eats lunch, and smiles happy, and gets to the end of the day in one piece.  The friend whose hurting, she needs a minute just to talk it out and I hurt with her, and I can’t fix it – even though I SO WANT TO FIX IT!  So we spend time pouring out and pouring in – to each other’s lives.  Sometimes it’s enough to just sit and listen and pray clumsy prayers that only God understands.  And know that He does understand, and that He has a good plan for all this mess that seems so overwhelming.

And then there’s a spelling test and another hour spent patiently repairing sewing machines as giggly girls chit chat and sew, then reorganizing book shelves, and finding lost copies, and someone’s books and photos, and more…

Before you know it, it’s time for supper and rather I am celebrating husband’s accomplishments, his honors, with some odd flavored appetizers and waiting to snap a picture of this man who has worked so hard and is decorated in red tassels holding a plaque as if something so small could memorialize something so big.  This man, who has worked so hard on so many other days, here he is beside me all day on this day –what should be “his day” and he helps, he teaches, he chases after the same Holy things (even though he did sneak away for a nap in the truck)

And we go until it’s dark outside and there’s just one thing we really want to do, and we really should eat dinner, but we’re not so hungry for food as much as  hungry to see our friends and their son on the 11^th floor and just tell them we love them and are praying and try to tease a smile out of their sick boy before we go.  

It isn’t until we get back home, 14 hours later,  that I realize how the day flew, quickly coursing, like a wild river of Grace, and all these things are Grace, and how unworthy am I to be the instrument of even a small Grace – but there it was – plain and clear and undeniable. How He is making all things work together for Good – in our lives, through our lives, with our lives – and it’s a hard Holy thing to say it, even in the face of so much hurt, but this counting Grace is how we break the hold of the hurt, and make all things new, flowing, with rivers of Life. 

And there's this list that keeps growing - like proof - like a drink of water from the fountain that never runs dry - so I keep counting...

68. A husband who is patient with me even when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed

69. Husband who chases Holy things with me

70. Attitude reset

71. Nine kids =)

72. Being able to help a friend

73.  Three minutes in the driveway and a hug for the sick one

74. Time to talk to my friend

75. Clumsy prayers

76. Testimony

77.  Eating lunch together

78. Lunch clean up helpers

79. spelling test humor

80. having a spelling test

81. friend to make copies – all the time #Jenisthebesthelper

82. books on shelves

83. mom’s finding resources

84. German =)

85. note from a friend

86. Friends to clean up

87. Friends to lock up

88. Friends to be responsible

89. Plans falling together

90. Time with just husband

91. Honoring husband

92. faith

93. healthy kids

94. time to visit friends

95 seeing kid smile – even for a minute

96 dinner out #steaknshakeorpopeyes

97. warm shower

98 responsible kids at home

99 everyone fed

100 A whole day to be used for Grace.