Need-to-know info about Co-ops!

I recently read a blog about being in a co-op and what that can look like.

A friend of mine shared that blog and the comments section blew up! Whew! Who knew there were so many strong opinions and misconceptions about co-ops.  Some of these were comments that I have heard over the years but others were fairly new - so I would like to address some of those and talk about how a co-op community might work for your family in a healthy way.

Top 10 Things to know about Co-ops!

#1 - Not all co-ops are alike.  As many different styles of teaching exist there are also that many types of co-ops.  Some co-ops want everyone to teach something, some don't have that requirement. Some are really religious, some exclude certain types of schooling at home, some are held outside (even in winter) some are only for field trips, some are only for high school - there really are 1000 different kinds of co-ops and the point is - Don't give up on ALL co-ops because you went to one and it didn't work.  Try another one, find your tribe.

#2 - Identify differences in Leadership early on.  There are also many ways to lead a homeschool group or co-op, each will have a different feel.  It's important to figure out where you fit in all this! Here are a few I have encountered and a little bit about each:

• group of moms deciding together - usually smaller, meets in homes, can be intimate, watch out for cliquishness
• umbrella group - usually online, offers occasional field trips and events, can be great source of information, can be very large, can have little structure, usually led by just a few people
• business group - meets in person, usually limited in size, offers specific things, led by one or two people, can be pricey, may not readily identify as a business to interested parents
• activity group - group focuses around an activity like a sports team, some are for profit and some are not, smaller focus and duration of commitment
• affiliate group- a group that is affiliated with a church or community group, usually run by an appointee of the affiliate, offers what benefits the affiliate, can be good if your goals/beliefs align, homeschooling may not always be a first priority
• non-profit group -run by a board of people in elected positions, has a published vision, mission and history, more structure, can be larger sized (be sure to look up groups claiming to be "non-profit" using the IRS Charity look up tool https://apps.irs.gov/app/eos/) 

#3 - Identify differences in curriculum/style - First you have to know your own teaching and learning styles - but once you do you can easily determine if a group will be a good fit.  Are they rigid in their courses offering core subjects, or more go with the flow?  Do they offer a variety of fun or "fluff" topics designed to help with making friends and getting support?  Are classes inclusive of different learning styles or more structured by design?  

#4 - Teachers - Believe it or not, not all co-ops require parents to teach to participate!  Some co-ops require that each parent teach a class to be present, others seek out parents to teach and allow other parents to help, still others hire outside teachers to offer classes. 

#5 -Parents - Do you share similar values and goals as the parents that are in your co-op? It isn't necessary that everyone always agree about everything - but it is very helpful to have a group of people to share life with.  Are parents interested in making friends or are they all business and see this as just a short term commitment?  Are the people friendly and welcoming? Is there a steep learning curve? These are things that can cause stress and make participation less enjoyable. Carefully consider if you share goals and values with other parents. 

#6 - Kids - Are the other kids at the co-op encouraging and friendly? Are they positive influences? If there are children who are older than your kids - are they good role models?  Determining the culture of the kids at a co-op can be one of the most important things about co-op.  These children WILL influence your children, sometimes for years to come. 

#7 - Visit first - It's a great idea to ask leaders if you can visit co-op BEFORE you sign up, purchase supplies or curriculum, commit to help out, or pay any fees.  A full day visit will help you identify leadership styles, teachers, parents, kids and curriculum, Visit for as long as they will allow it!!  This visit will give you time to make informed decisions and feel comfortable about your choices.  I caution parents to watch out for sales pitches and instant best friends.  If it feels high pressure, sign on the line, pay today or you're my new best friend and you HAVE to do this because my kids are doing it too - I would advise you to RUN away. 

#8 - It isn't about your personality (Introvert vs. Extrovert) Some people like to be home bodies, some like to always be on the go - find the right group for support and you will fit right in.  Introverts and Extroverts feel uncomfortable when they are trying to fit themselves into the wrong type of group.  Sometimes it is counter- intuitive. I had a mom who identifies as an introvert tell me she LOVES our large co-op because she has space to hide herself away if she is over stimulated and there are enough people to help with her kids.  I've also known extroverts to thrive in smaller groups!

#9 - Co-ops should support your homeschooling goals without taking over your homeschool. One thing I think some people quickly dismiss is that not everyone feels comfortable (or really wants to put the extra effort into) every subject. If my kids can do a fun science experiments class and make a mess somewhere OTHER THAN MY HOUSE!! that is great for us - and it alleviates my at home responsibility to make that fun special experience for them. Practically - when our kids were little we did science and history through co-op because it was fun and did math and language arts at home because we wanted to have that good focus and foundation. It helped me as a mom of multiple kids to know that they were having those special and fun experiences somewhere with their friends and that I was not solely responsible for hosting play dates, doing a unit study/crafty/memory folder project for history and creating, organizing, gathering supplies and teaching science experiments. 

#10 - Co-ops can be fun and the highlight of your week - IF you use them correctly.  Keep in mind that to truly be homeschooling, YOU - the parent are responsible for the education of your children, but co-ops can be a fantastic way to support your social, educational and family goals without being overwhelming.  

Drivers

It was beautiful outside, the sun was shining and we were cruising on the way to football practice. The windows were down because the AC was acting up, but even that didn't bother us. My oldest was in the front seat dozing in the sun and we were bustling along I71 north of Columbus.  Out of the corner of my eye I catch a flash of red sports car as it buzzes past us in the right lane. The sporty drop top coupe appears, racing stripes and all, and then quickly disappears.

As we approach the next exit something has slowed traffic ahead and I see the sporty red car on my left, this time stopped in the traffic.  I notice that they have their turn signal on and just a moment before it's too late - they whip in front of my van with the purpose of advancing another 50 feet.  I slam on the breaks and dozing teenager sits up and says "HUH??!!" before drifting back to sleep.   Luckily, our exit is just ahead on the right so I get over into the exit lane and then realize that somehow, now they are right behind me.... how did that even happen?  The exit lane is jammed with cars escaping the freeway and at the end of the ramp there is a right and left hand turn lane.  I will be turning right so I make sure I am in the right half of the lane when suddenly in my side mirror I see the little sports coupe's nose beside me on the right, in the gravel, just as I am coming to a stop behind the car in the right turn lane.  The coupe skids a few feet and then the man in the front seat begins yelling curses in my window.  Screaming in frustration because I am also turning right  and he can't just create his own lane and do things his own way.  Large, football playing teen wakes up, sits up, has a oddest look on his face and just sticks his head out the window to stare at the rudest man on earth.... who, once he realizes he has a large football player staring at him, promptly shuts up.  We finish our turn, and in about 10 minutes we wind up at our destination.  My oldest still hasn't said anything but just before he is about to hop out of the car he says "What was wrong with that guy, mom?" and I just shrug.  "I don't know kid, maybe he was having a bad day?" and he shakes his head and trots away.

I heard someone speak once about how drivers look....

There's the envious driver that follows too close.  They are looking everywhere but at the road.  We might call them the distracted driver.  There's the driver of that's "living their own truth" they drive like a drunk, all over the road and if they are lucky they wind up in a ditch. There's the angry driver who speeds, they tear around other drivers throwing gravel, they have about a million hit and run accidents. There's the grieved driver who needs to go slow, they pull over to rest frequently, like driving in a sudden storm, one minute you're fine and the next you're in a downpour, waves of rain so hard you can't see to drive through it.

There's the new driver whose passionate and purposeful, but they don't have the discernment yet to see some of these other drivers coming. There's the bitter driver who will run people over because they deserve it, and then they back up and do it again. There's the driver that goes about handing out tickets, telling everyone how they should improve their driving. There are the destination drivers, they are just trying to get from point A to point B, they aren't really paying attention to other drivers, road conditions or anything else. And there are even some stranded drivers. There are those with a flat tire or who ran out of gas and doesn't really know how to get where they are going.

Some of these drivers drive poorly because of their attitude, some because of their life circumstances.  Sometimes it's not really a choice to be a bad driver, it's just the only way a person knows to drive.
So how is a driver supposed to keep it between the lines?

There are a few ways to determine the lines on the highway of life...

One way is the culture.  

We are living in a culture at the moment that has defined and re-defined itself bringing us into a post modern, some might say post truth, world.  Don't like the speed limit? Change it.  Don't like the outcome of what's happening? Claim it never happened.  Don't like the facts? Deny them, create your own facts, identify however you will.

The speed and depth of this change is frightening, but even more frightening is the churches willingness, and sometimes even approval, of a post modern, no absolute truth, no right and wrong, culture.  A big part of this is the idea that truth is personal.  What is right for me, may not be right for you....  God is however you define him/her/them.....  I can "have it my way" with my religion - custom ordered, tailored to what I like.  And while this false religiosity attempts to dissasociate "personal truth" from objective, Biblical, even logical truth, some church leaders praise these ideas as inclusive.

I heard someone say "Live your truth" the other day.   In our current culture truth isn't objective or logical - it's all relative to you.  It's all personal.  The driver becomes the most important thing, the only thing, in their world.  Don't like something? Tell people it never happened.  Do what ever you want - or in the word's of Alister Crowley "Do what thou wilt"

Within this growing cultural belief is that people are their own arbitrators of truth, that they can interpret and decide for themselves what is right and wrong.  When the church becomes it's own arbiter of truth, when a person becomes their own arbiter of truth, they have moved beyond any accountability.  They are not accountable to a body of believers, or anyone... not even to God.  Not surprisingly, when people live like this, there is never a need for confession because they are never wrong.

Apply this same logic to people who are in leadership.  Those who lead us are in higher positions, positions of trust.  The Bible, the absolute truth, says those people are held to a higher standard, they are more accountable to God for their actions.   Anyone can start a Facebook page, or a blog, and attract followers.  It's easy to surround ourselves with agreeing voices, but living out accountability is harder.

One of my favorite quotes is "Leaders who live with accountability rarely need it" but the opposite is true too - leaders who live outside accountability - within their community, with their peers, with their mentors (if they have them) - are often abusive, design their own convenient truths and desperately need an accountability which breaks the hold of moral relativity.

The other way to drive - is by God's word.

Truth says we are not the arbitrators of our covenant, we don't set the terms, we follow them.  We are not the author of what is right or wrong, we are subject to the Author.   Truth leads us to see that we are sinners in need of repentance and a Savior.  Truth leads us to confession and confession to faith. Without that truth, there is no hope for us. 

The most simplistic form of this is in Luke 10:28

He answered, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

How do we love God?

"If you love me, keep my commandments." John 14:15

Today there is a move to try to redefine what God says.  What are His commandments? Only the New Testament? Only the 10 commandments? Modern churches can't agree on this, many avoid the subject of sin altogether because it disrupts their congregants cultural beliefs.
I firmly believe that the only way people will learn God's word is to study it.  Study it all the time, sit under good teachers, read it, write it down, share it, post it, blog it, and keep it in the front of your mind.  There is no other hope apart from God's word, His absolute truth.  And if you're looking for a place to start - start basic - start with the 10 commandments if you must.  Don't put anything before God, Don't have idols, Don't take the Lord's name in vain, Don't murder, Don't defraud someone (steal), Don't envy your neighbors wife or stuff, Don't bear false witness (gossip/lie), Honor your father and mother, Keep the sabbath, and Don't commit adultery. That's how you love God, you keep His commandments, and you study to keep learning those commandments.

How do we love our neighbor?
It's hard to teach this in a post truth world - because before you might give a practical example, but now someone's "truth" might be "Well, if I were (insert accusation), I think I would want someone to (insert hateful thing here) towards me"

But when you step beyond this relativistic argument we see that Biblical truth says loving your neighbor is well defined in:

"Love is patient, Love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude or self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices in truth it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, Love never fails...." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

So in the middle of a culture that is torn between relativism(define your own truth) and Biblical truth, what can we do?

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

1. Love God - put Him first even if other people think you're crazy
2. Speak truth - even when it's unpopular
3. Confess sin - own your part
4. Tie yourself to love, which is truth, in order to love your neighbor.  

Blessings,
Amanda