Remember

My life has a theme... (I think sometimes it has a theme song... and I might be humming it...but I digress)

My life has a theme - year to year it seems God is showing me things that I didn't understand.  And I have a choice, I can reject those things as hard, new, strange, weird - or I can dive into the difficult and figure it out together with Him.  I have chosen the later.

So last year (and it really does tend to run fall to fall!) the theme was "I AM doing new thing" - The I AM being God himself and his message to me that He was doing something new and to HOLD ON because I will miss it, I will barely perceive it.

Isaiah 43:19-21 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The wild beasts will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches, for I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself that they might declare my praise.

This was very true- one year and our family looks entirely different, one year and our jobs look entirely different, one year and our lives look ENTIRELY different.  He wasn't kidding - He was doing a NEW THING.  New things can be hard things.  I can choose the new thing, but sometimes that means I have to let the old thing break, be shattered into a million pieces so that the new thing can come out of it.  New things can sound so good - until you realize that means leaving the old things behind.

This year my theme has been changed - still in the midst of the new things being born, still in the midst of a LOT of personal change - my theme has become REMEMBER.

Remember - and there isn't just a single verse, but the entire book of Deuteronomy, and Ruth, and Job.  So remembering has a bigger vision - it's like: Remember who I AM, and Remember who you were, and who you are now, Remember what I have brought you through, Remember what I have commanded you to do....

Remembering is a whole lot like Faith.  It is the personal testimony of each of us, it is the Faith-evidence that we each hold, not a wishy washy feeling of "I have faith" but the concrete, the proven, the tried and true, the assurance that remembering God's goodness towards us, God's pursuit of us, God's faithfulness, God's forgiveness and even God's displeasure towards us - helps us to better run the race that is before us.

Hebrews 11:1-3
Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see. 2 Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation.3 By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.

So I plan to write a series of blogs remembering some of the great things that God has done in my life, and even some of the not so great things that happened, in order to properly remember and there by re-member, reassemble the pieces that can seem broken but are really just part of the new thing.

A favorite quote of mine is "Sometimes when things are falling apart, they are really falling together for your good." and this is so important and part of that soul amnesia that we all suffer from - that we have to, have to, HAVE TO! keep remembering the goodness, faithfulness, righteousness, and awe-inspiringness of God.

Sometimes, when you go through a thing you just survive it.  You look back and wonder how that happened, life seems like a blur - it is only later that you see the pieces of it - how it fell together, and how the Lord blessed.

My first remember moment, although there are a few before this - times when I heard the Lord speak and really wanted to follow Him and do right but had no idea how to do that - comes when I was 27 years old.

Working as a counselor, married, three kids in school - we had purchased a home in Heath and we blessed by every worldly standard there was.  Our neighbors were lovely, our house was fantastic, our kids did well in school, we had a great church, a great group of friends, nice cars - life was good - all the way around - life was good.

And then - I heard God speak to me one day at church - I was under heavy conviction to quit my job....  Quit my JOB!!?? what?  That can't be right!  I have a great job, they love me here - I worked HARD to get here - they are sooo happy with me and I looove it! NO! I can't quit my job - how foolish, I must have misheard that one...

And then another week  - "Quit your job!"  So I talked to Drason about it - no way we could make it if I quit my job, that is foolishness for sure - nope! I can't quit my job!

And then again - "Quit your job" and again - week after week for about 6 months, I could not escape the fact that I was constantly bombarded with the conviction that I needed to quit my job and I consistently said "no way!"

It was fall, there was a special speaker at our church that day and the fire alarms started to go off.  Drason got up to go help turn them off (of course he was the one with the knowledge of how to do that) and comes back to sit down... about 20 minutes later they go off again - again, Drason gets up and handles it.... and about 15 more minutes they go off again.... I still to this day can not tell you what that message was about, but it was the one I needed to hear that day.  It is time for the invitation, Drason takes his seat beside me, and I hear the Lord speak to me again, but this time it is different, this time it is like a huge download of information in just a few words - "This is the last time"  This is the last time I'm going to ask you to follow me, to quit your job.  Either you decide today that you will follow me, or not.  I won't ask again....

I was crying, Drason who had literally just sat down takes my arm and helps me to the alter, I just sob and in that moment I give God my "Yes" forever, whatever He wants, for as long as I live, it is His - even quitting my job.

Every day before this day, I had doubts about my salvation - and every day since I never have.  My life changed drastically that Fall day, I turned in my 2 weeks notice the next day and they offered me a raise and a better schedule (which I still refused).

It occurred to me for the first time the other day that God pursued me.  It was a shocking revelation for me.  Wonderful and too good to be true - but completely true.  For 6 months God - creator of the universe - pursued me.  That is scandalous love, love that is beyond my reasoning.

Remembering makes us whole human beings.  I needed to know, to remember, that I was pursued by the creator of the universe.

Thank you Heavenly Father!
Amanda

Ripples

Ten years ago I joined a homeschool co-op.  I had just come off a year of being a homeschooling failure (you can read about it here) and was excited to join a group of like minded ladies.  So I enrolled my kids in some classes, I taught a couple of science classes and things were going well.

One day when we arrived at co-op, late as usual, a lady from the group met me in the parking lot. "Your son has really been acting up in Lauren's Spanish class, you really need to have a talk with him!"

This was news to me so after sending my other two to class I pulled the third one aside, gave him the mom eyebrows and told him he better settle down in Lauren's class.  He had a lisp at the time so with his sad little lisp he said "Sowweey Mom"  and went to class.   Whew - crisis averted.  

A few hours later someone else came up to me "Excuse me, Amanda? I really think you should know that your son is being very disruptive in Lauren's class!"  

I was a little surprised to hear this from a second person, especially considering he had not even been to the class yet today.  I managed to stammer out that I had spoken to him and didn't think it would be a problem any more.   

Lunchtime came and we were all sitting together eating our sandwiches.  Kids were happily munching away when yet another mom asked to speak to me.  She pulled me aside and said "You really need to do something about your son in the Spanish class."  By this time I was boiling.  I mean - did everyone around here know that my son had misbehaved in a class?!?!  What did they expect me to do, publicly flog the child? 

Later in the day, after the Spanish class, the teacher approached me and asked to speak with me.  She started by saying that my son had done better today, but the last few weeks he had been disrupting the class.  She said she thought it was possible that he had ADHD and maybe he needed to see a doctor.  

That is the last thing I remember hearing her say... although she did talk for a little bit longer.  When I replied I told her that I had already been spoken to three times about this by other women, I had corrected him,  and  her class was just a "fluff class" anyways, so I really didn't care if he didn't learn Spanish (I mean the kid could barely speak English and was 7 years old, he really didn't need a Spanish class) 

Lauren looked puzzled, but she was calm.  She apologized.  I don't remember if I apologized, I would like to think that I did, but we moved on. 

For the past several years, I have stood in front of many women and told that story.  Right beside me was my friend, Lauren.   She picks up where I stop and says "I decided in my heart that I was going to be her friend."  

Her decision, 10 years ago, has had a lasting impact on our lives, but not just our own lives - the lives of hundreds of families.  Her decision had a ripple effect in our community. We co-lead a ministry together.  You see, if Lauren and I had not made the choice to forgive, we would not have a ministry to lead.  In 2011 when the ministry needed a leader - there would have been none, and the ministry would have stopped.  But because of our friendship, we were able to lead a ministry together.  Over the 8 years we have been doing this we have seen countless families get the support they needed to homeschool.  We have had literally hundreds if not thousands of people contact us for help and support, we have seen families come together and have seen people accept Christ as their savior - all through this ministry.  

The thing is that sometimes when we make a decision, we have no idea, NO IDEA, how far reaching or lasting that decision will be.  We can not even fathom the depth of the good that God has planned for us.  We can not grasp that this little decision - sometimes big decision - sometimes every day decision - is going to be the decision that makes or breaks the next 10 years of our lives.  

So what do you do with that kind of knowledge?  

Psalm 119:9-16
How can a young man keep his way pure?    By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you;    let me not wander from your commandments!
I have stored up your word in my heart,    that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O Lord;    teach me your statutes!   

With my lips I declare    all the rules of your mouth.
In the way of your testimonies I delight    as much as in all riches. I will meditate on your precepts    and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes;    I will not forget your word.

As much is there is good from the good - there is also bad from the bad.

What if she hadn't been kind? What if we had just ripped each other up with our words, hurt each other, or held onto a grudge towards one another?  At the end of the day, we would have missed out on some of the best blessings, a wonderful friendship, and serving the Lord together, we would have missed a major calling in our lives.  But more than that - hundreds of families would have missed blessings, friendships, guidance, and so. much. more.  So much that we can't even see or imagine all that would have been missed.  If we had made one different decision. 

How far reaching are bad decisions? Decisions to judge harshly, decisions to be cruel, decisions to break up friendships to harbor anger or resentment towards a brother or sister? Now imagine that not only was the opportunity for good lost, but then the opportunity for evil increased.  Evil decisions also have a ripple.  How much damage is done with foolish, prideful decisions? I believe the answer is the same - we can not even fathom the damage.  We can not even imagine the hurt caused, the far reaching pain and agony we cause with what seems like one bad decision.

1Peter 5:5-11
Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud,But gives grace to the humble.” Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,  casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.  But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.  To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. (emphasis added)

Live purposefully, intentionally try to do what is pleasing to the Lord in all things, and then to Him be the Glory!

Goodnight,
Amanda