Republished with permission of Joyce Sell Meyers of Christian Family Homeschoolers.
"One of the things I see commonly are parents who begin to homeschool their kids, often after a trial of public school and something happens: they find out they can't stand their kids' behavior, the kids can't get along with the parents, let alone each other. Now, I'm not saying it's always that way, my oldest and youngest butted heads and they were homeschooled their whole lives. In time they have learned to love each other as sisters should, and it was hard. BUT I see a lot of parents struggling with the "They all said homeschooling would enrich our family! We're all going to kill each other, first!"
When you homeschool kids you find warts. Oh the warts were ALWAYS there, you just weren't dealing with them 24/7 and someone else was. Or they were being ignored. I know the feeling, "Let's just put them in school." Newsflash! All that does is MOVE the problem, it doesn't SOLVE the problem. AND those issues have more than even chances of getting worse, not better.
Then you discover YOU have warts. What turned your mild mannered self (who cheerfully put kids on the yellow monster at 8am and received them back at 3pm) into a raving maniac? It's called "close proximity." You also find out that your kids don't listen to you. At all. About anything. Ever.
Well, I'm here to tell you THAT was the fun part. The not so fun part is to follow. First, God gave you THOSE children. Yes, those particular, genetically unique, strong willed, juice dumping, poop playing, bedtime wailing children - yep, their yours. Now, and some of you aren't going to like this, but I will forge ahead, anyway. To some degree you have created the chaos you are now in. I know all about exes and inlaws, outlaws and busy bodies. But this is YOUR family. The fact is that sometimes we fall down a chute called "convenience" when we should be climbing the rope to "discipline."
Next I'm really going to get in hot water. I spanked. We spanked when my toddlers were old enough to understand and openly defy "No." We taught them three things before age 18 mos: "No, Come, and Stop." And they learned to listen the first time. We did not whack them senseless, we used a small dowel stick if obedience was not immediate. BECAUSE we taught them early to obey the FIRST time, it was not employed greatly because they simply obeyed. I rarely had to repeat myself. Read that again. How often do you repeat yourself? 5 times before punishment appears? I didn't get frustrated because what I asked was done in a timely manner. If something was impeding the carrying out, it was discussed - but not in an argumentative way. If I told one to go make their bed, but had forgotten the wet sheets were in the washing machine, they could certainly voice, "Mom, I don't have the sheets." There was no bargaining going on. Did they try? On occasion, but it was met with firmness.
Kids are taught whether to obey or not obey - and we are their teachers. There are parents who have taught their children systematic disobedience and boy does that come out big time around age 3. Well, about that time they get shuffled off to preschool and the "problem" is not eliminated, it just changed addresses. They are in school for awhile, summer break comes and around July you hear parents start in, "I can't WAIT for them to go back to school. Why? Because now THEY are dealing with the obedience issues first hand and don't know what to do. AND they figure, "They'll be back to school in 8 weeks, let the teacher deal with them." 23 parents a year in the SAME CLASSROOM say that. THAT's why teachers go gray, but I digress.
IF you're still with me I have some more to say. Discipline for children is as much for them as it is for us. I am appalled by the people I see who are lead by the nose by their preschoolers. Seriously? Who is in charge? God wants your children disciplined in their routines partially so YOU can have some rest. He never meant for young kids to stay up until THEY felt like going to bed. My children were in bed by 7:30 as little ones. Now I know that daddy's work schedules can really foul that up, but they should have a regular bedtime as much as possible, leaving time for you and your husband at some point.
How on EARTH are your children going to obey a BOSS (and odds are they WILL have one at some point) if they can't obey YOU? What will become of God's Word? Will they treat God the same way, as an optional king rather than their Lord?
Parents - grow some backbone. Back to my original warts. You are seeing those warts so you can FIX them before they get to be adults and it really creates havoc. I am going to vomit if one more parent refers to their school age (like 13 and up) as their baby. We are raising MEN AND WOMEN, here, not babies. I wish I had a list of women who have contacted me because their husbands were immature and don't man up. Granted, they married them, but it is amazing the number of men who do NOT mature after marriage. I have daughters, and I would be appalled if she pouted and used sex as a weapon against her husband, as many women do. We need to stop doing everything possible to "make sure they have a childhood" and their little lives are Disney World 24/7 (I know, Disney is bad; shoot me) and begin training them to be adults. We have a scant 18 years to do this. The last thing we need to do is foster a "my baby is hurt and helpless" attitude because they need to do some housework and don't want to do it.
One last thought, then you can lynch me. We are in this together. You have to hunker down and get serious. There are a myriad of parenting resources out there IF you are serious. If you want this month's result to be the same as the last 4 - well keep doing the same thing. Children, well behaved ARE a blessing and relationships can be fostered and restored, but not if you are in this for the short haul.
Okay, one more thought. (I smell the tar being heated) Homeschooling is a discipleship commitment, even more so than academic. I KNOW it's hard. But your children arrived with sin natures that were aching to be catered to and some of them were. It is time to repent of sloppy parenting and get into the business of effecting change by obedience to the Lord and by the power of the Holy Spirit. You get serious and God will work. It CAN be reversed. Fear not!! As long as there is breath in your body and coffee in your cup (and none of that decaf crud) your angst, unhappy, miserable family CAN be turned around.
This has been written to encourage and if necessary upbraid on issues you are already well aware of. I push the "post" button and wait for the nuclear attack in south Jersey. May God have mercy on my Mac.
