Hard stops for prayer

Its morning, but just barely. I've been sick, the kids are sick, even the dog is sick and nothing is going according to plan. Science Fair is next week, Mason needed to finish his writing, I need to grade Mac's math, Marshal had a rough week with a friend and the weekend is here already and will be gone before we blink. Today is a big day, band contest, presentation tonight, and I really don't want to get out of bed, but, I do.
Get dressed, make a plan for the day that is half over already, feel like a failure, struggle and then struggle some more, feeling anxious and moody and hormonal....

Hard stops for prayer (a tip from Ann Voskamp) I hear it in my mind before I pull out of the driveway, I'm alone in the car and I stop. I stop rushing, I step out of the swirling current of life for a minute to pray.

Lord, so much to do today, please grant me strength, please give me peace, please organize this mess! I'm inadequate to this task today, please take it. 

Back on the accelerator, driving to complete the errands that need to be completed, bank, haircuts, license bureau, meet Drason and he takes the boys and I have 1\2 an hour to relax and breathe and get my hair done....

I must look frightful, they assign me to a nice lady, about my age, near the back. She has a kind smile.

'You look nice, are you going anywhere special?'

She washes my hair and muscles unwind and I tell her my plans.
'You homeschooling? Me too!' She says as we chat...

We exchange stories and I learn that her daughter is a little older than my son and will be a senior next year. We talk about tonights event and how useful it might be for her daughter. She smiles and says she gets off work at 5 but she might try to come. I hand her a card, write directions on the back, and leave with my hair looking much better and my heart feeling lighter.

Her service lifts my burden, her care, her willing ear, the easy conversation, it comforts.

I meet Drason, we grab dinner before the presentation.  Its busy, there are lots of personalities, but when the evening draws to a close it is a success, and I am joyful and relieved.  Then the woman with a kind smile walks over to me and says 'Hi, I made it tonight!' It takes me a moment to recognize her, but then we laugh and embrace like old friends.
Today, my almost too tired, frazzled, busy day, ends with a sense of serendipity, coming full circle, and seeing how even my most inadequate state of being is upheld, guided, directed, and blessed by my heavenly Father.

Hard stops for prayer. 

Thank you Lord for peace, and strength, and organization. Thank you for guiding my paths, thank you for using me as your vessel. Thank you for blessing me beyond anything I could ask or imagine. Thank you for your goodness to me.
Amen

Ashes

Maybe you've been watching the news. Maybe you know that Twenty-one Coptic Christians were executed last week for being "people of the cross".  Maybe you have wept hot tears for these who were martyred for the sake of the Cross, martyred for their Faith in the one true God, and hugged your children a little tighter. Their deaths grieve me and force open my eyes to see the world, lost and dying and boiling, the way things really exist.

In Biblical times, ashes were used to express grief.

When Tamar was raped...
2 Samuel 13:19
But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying.

When Jerusalem would be left desolate....
Daniel 9:3
So I turn to the Lord God and pleaded with him in prayer and fasting. I also were rough burlap and sprinkled myself with ashes.

When persecution and death threatened.....
Esther 4:1
When Mordecai learned about all that had been done, he tore his clothes, put on burlap and ashes, and went out into the city, crying with a loud and bitter wail.

Ashes let us grieve, and express our grief, before the Lord. As terrifying as the news can be these days, we can still come before the Lord and relinquish our fears, weep, mourn, and rest heavy in His arms.

Once my initial grief has subsided, and I reflect on these 21 men dying for their faith, I am humbled.
I look around and realize that I live in a world much different and far removed from their struggle. My greatest concern this week was the weather; and I am ashamed.  I am ashamed that I have taken for granted the luxurious blessings of this life. All this unmerited, undeserved grace all around me, and I miss seeing it every day. A warm home – that's Grace. Time with my family – that's Grace. Healthy kids – that's Grace. Enough food to eat – that's Grace. A life free from the fear of being kidnapped and executed – that's Grace.  When I add up this Grace,  overwhelming Grace, I see privilege denied much of the world.

So many of us take for granted all of these blessings, and choose to live in a world that ignores the persecution of the Church. A culture that fights and scratches and claws over the insignificant and defines our American "let's go eat a chicken sandwich" protests as persecution. Have we forgotten true persecution? The persecution of spilled blood and terrifying threats from masked men on a beach? The kind of persecution that defines us, and emboldens us to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ? In a word, yes.  We have forgotten about our brothers and sisters around the world. We have forgotten to pray for them, to support them, to reach out to them. While we were busy with luncheons  and building campaigns and chicken sandwiches, we forgot about people around the world fleeing for their lives before an unholy army that would murder them and their children because they claim the Cross of Christ. Moreover, we've forgotten the Gospel. We have forgotten the suffering of Christ. We have forgotten that He suffered for us. And then forgetting we have become shallow, whitewashed tomb people who quote cliché, feel good sayings, and follow a doctrine of prosperity and self interest.

Job 42:1-6
Then Job replied to the Lord:
"I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know."
"You said; 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.'
My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

So today, even though Ash Wednesday is not a day that we have ever recognized, we will be attending an Ash Wednesday service this evening. And on our brow we will be marked with ashes and the symbol of the cross, as "people of the cross", showing our grief, our repentance, and our solidarity with those who have been martyred for the sake of Christ.

And still, this seems a cheap and easy reprieve. I'm not sure what the next 40 days will bring, but I'm sure that it will bring change in our lives. We can no longer live as those who have forgotten their brothers and sisters. Father forgive us, Cover us in the blood of Jesus, we are unworthy of these men and their sacrifice.