Homeschooling through high school: A letter to young ladies

If you've read this blog before you know that I am a mother of three young men. This doesn't mean that I don't care about young ladies or that I don't remember being young lady. In fact, the older my sons get the more concerned I become with the young ladies of our world.  My son's are blessed to have some lovely young ladies in their circles of friends, but I recently spoke with a mother who was very discouraged with the young ladies who were in her son's group.  She said 'These girls are no different from the girls in public schools, it doesn't matter that they are homeschooling or in private school, they are horrible to each other and to the boys!'  That breaks my heart!

When my sons each turned 11, my husband took time to read Every Young Man's Battle with them. This book opened the door for their father to teach them how to be respectful of young ladies, how to be respectful in general and why this is important, how to honor themselves with their actions, but most importantly how to honor and grow in a relationship with Jesus Christ.
I recently read the girl version of this book, however; it left me unimpressed.  So here are some highlights from about four different books that I sincerely hope young ladies are reading with their moms.  As a mother of boys I haven't researched what is available to help young ladies with their struggles, so if you know of a good resource, please let me know or post it in the comments so that other moms can find it.

Dear Young Ladies,
As a woman you are constantly surrounded by images, magazines, music, television and even other women telling you who you should be.  With all of these voices it is difficult to know the truth.  Even if you do know the truth it is often very hard to hang onto when everyone around you seems to think you are weird or sheltered or just plain wrong.  This letter isn't to scold you or make you feel bad about yourself, in fact, this letter is to help you know how to feel good about yourself without compromising your morals and values.  Every woman has a choice to make about where she will find the answer to the longing of her soul to be in relationship with others - I encourage you to choose to find that answer in the one who loves you more than He loved himself, the one who sacrificed everything to be with you, and the one who desires the very best things for you, Jesus Christ.
When I was five my family moved to a house in the rural Ohio countryside.  It was lovely.  I remember the first time I saw our 'backyard' full of golden fall grasses waving in the breeze.  Every moment possible I spent playing outside and discovering this wonderland which was my new home.  I remember swinging on our swing set, singing my lungs out, and running breathless through fields of Queen Annes lace dreaming about getting married. There could certainly be no flower more beautiful than Queen Anne's lace for a wedding. 

 

 

 

That imaginative play, envisioning a beautiful wedding witnessed by wildflowers, was followed by naming the imaginary children I would someday have.  In the evenings, after dinner, as it was time for bed, I would gather up each and every stuffed animal and baby doll I owned and tuck them into my bed because I didn't want any of them to feel left out.  My young heart was completely full.  I relate this story to you because I know you have some stories like this of your own. How do I know this?  Because you were created to love.  Females are born with the internal desire to nurture and love.  When God spoke to Adam and Eve in the garden he told them to 'Be fruitful and multiply.'  There were two people, and two commands there, the second command speaks right to the heart of every young lady - have a family, have a life full of love.  

Inside marriage we can 'Be fruitful and multiply.' But just like young men need to bounce their eyes in order to protect their minds and relationships from going too far in the physical sense, young ladies need to bounce their thoughts to protect their minds and relationships from going too far in the emotional sense. 

The world may say lust is normal for a young man and if he oogles young women that is because he is made that way and can't help himself. In the same way the world tells young ladies that longing is a normal part of growing up and that there isn't anything to be done about it. 

This idea is promoted in every preteen Disney channel television show.  How many times have you seen the cliché of a young girl rewriting her imaginary married name on a notebook one thousand times as she longs for Mr. Right to look her way?  While it is easy to point to examples of lust, it is difficult to point to examples of longing because the cause of lust is often external and the cause of longing is often internal.  The most obvious external factor I can point to as a cause of longing is the family.  Divorce, single parent homes, even absent male leadership (like a dad who is always busy, out of town, working) are the leading causes of longing in young ladies.  This, combined with the absence of a close love relationship with Jesus Christ, leave us in a world full of little girls growing into young women who long to be loved, cherished and protected. It is truly ironic that in a world full of the messages of the empowerment of women, we have still neglected their deepest inborn needs.

 

Young ladies, protect your heart from longing.  Young men are taught to bounce their eyes to avoid lust.  Young ladies have to learn to bounce their thoughts.  Young ladies who embrace longing often find that they do things which are not self respecting.  They obsess about boys, they dress to get the attention of boys, they spend all of their free time talking about boys and longing for a boy to like them.  They may call, text, IM, Facebook or otherwise stalk a boy, or many boys, seeking attention.  They may enter chat rooms and have inappropriate conversations with complete strangers, even agreeing to meet them, because the long for love.  They will flirt and act suggestively to get the attention that they long for. 

 

A few years ago my brother and my husband were working together at a call center.  They were both on break and talking about Christmas and upcoming family events.  They are not perfect - but if there are two examples of Godly men, Andrew and Drason would definitely qualify.  A younger woman, maybe in her twenties, walked passed them suggestively, and they bounced their eyes away and kept talking.  A few moments later the same girl walked passed them again, even more suggestively, and more slowly, making sure they would notice her.  Again they bounced their eyes away, kept talking, but this time they also moved away from the cafeteria where she was prowling around.  Amazingly, she followed them and 'accidentally bumped' into my brother.  If you know Andrew he is an honest and forthright person, he knew exactly what she was doing and rather than joke or flirt with her like she desired, he looked her in the eye, scowled, and said "I am ignoring you, go away."  When Drason related this story to me, he said her jaw about hit the floor, but she quickly recovered, looked pouty and replied "Don't you think I'm cute?"  To which they both replied, in unison, 'NO'.  She stomped off down the hallway and left them alone after that. 

 

This young woman's actions were ridiculous, she made a complete fool of herself in front of two Christian guys, one of whom was single and looking for a Godly woman to marry.  Young ladies, learn from this, a Godly man won't entertain the foolish behavior of a girl who has an issue with longing.  More importantly, an ungodly man WILL entertain you.  Imagine that encounter with two men who did not know the Lord.  Not only would they have been undressing her with their eyes, her coy invitation "Don't you think I'm cute?" likely would have resulted in a one night stand.  Because she longs for intimacy and relationship, she was willing to be physically available for men to enjoy.  An ungodly man's desire for her would not be rooted in wanting to satisfy her need for relationship, but rooted in his desire to use her body.  An ungodly man, seeing the longing for relationship in a young lady, will manipulate and use this longing, say anything (I love you, We could get married, You are the only girl for me) promise anything, to get what he really wants - your body.

 

Avoid opening yourself up to this kind of exploitation by learning to bounce your thoughts. If you find yourself daydreaming about a boy, or a relationship, purposefully find something else to do which will occupy your attention.  Practice a musical instrument, play a sport, read a book (not a romance novel!) find a way to push these thoughts away. 

 

Filter the things that come into your life.  That romance novel will likely lead to hours of longing for a relationship, throw it away.  Listening to popular music is also problematic.  Take these lyrics from a song by Rhianna

 

And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oh..)

Said it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I... love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

She says she hates herself for the longing she feels for this boy.

For the country music fans - how about a song from Taylor Swift:

 

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about,
And she's got everything that I have to live without.

Drew talks to me, I laugh 'cause it's just so funny [radio version]
  And I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

What a perfect description of longing. 

Young ladies, not only will longing place you in danger in this fallen world, not only will it leave you feeling miserable, cause you to act foolish, and take over your time.  Longing will damage you for your future relationship with the man God has in mind for you. 

Imagine your wedding day - maybe it is full of Queen Anne's lace - it is lovely and perfect and there is a faceless prince charming waiting for you at the altar.  Now imagine that he tells you, after you are married, that he has had countless physical relationships with other girls.  He looks at pornography and plans to continue, and he thinks you should be ok with that because he thinks it doesn't hurt anyone.  Would you still be enthralled?  or would you want to RUN away as fast as you could?  

When you spend your time longing after young men, you will enter into emotional relationships with those boys, sometimes even without their knowledge.  You will give away pieces of your heart to the boys you date or even become close friends with and you will damage the relationship you will one day have with your husband.  Not only will you hold you husband to an impossible imaginary standard, you will continue to experience this longing even after you are married.

Young women, if you desire a man who is free from a problem with lust, you need to be a woman who is free from a problem with longing. 

Remembering Christ's birth

Last year God brought someone into my life whose relationship with the Lord is very similar to mine - but her traditions with the Lord are all different.   At first I thought she was Jewish, but the more I spoke with her I realized that she was not, she is a Christ follower, a gentile, just like me.

This was very interesting to me - I mean - why would someone not participate in activities on a Friday evening? Why would someone not want to celebrate certain holidays, or as she called them holy days? When she said it that way it got me to thinking - holy days? What on earth is holy about Halloween? or Valentines day? but it was Christmas that REALLY got me! She doesn't celebrate CHRISTMAS?!?!? Why not! I mean that is a celebration of the birth of Jesus! Why wouldn't she celebrate that! 'She must be a part of some funny cult religion' I thought to myself and I made it a point to try to get to know her better. The more I spoke with her, the more I learned. She didn't sound like any cult member I had ever heard of! She knew the Bible, she had a living relationship with the Lord, She loves people, and she isn't recruiting into her beliefs - so why the difference? I have to admit I was too chicken to ask her, so I started studying this on my own.... Why would a person who clearly LOVES Jesus, not want to celebrate Christmas.

Through a year or more of research and studying and prayer, here is what I found.  You may be a little surprised - I know I was.  Below are some excerpts from a pagan website - a website that promotes earth worship-

"As we pagans already know, many of today's Christmas celebrations are rooted in pagan practices. The winter solstice is a time to celebrate the return of the sun following the shortest day in the year.  It's no wonder the church adopted these holidays as the birth date of their Savior.

December 25th,because of changes to the Gregorian calendar, is actually the pagan day which celebrates the rebirth of the sun, not the Birth of the Son - Jesus.  Jesus was likely born during the Feast of Tabernacles.  How do we know this?  We know this because the Bible gives us a trail to find this information if we look for it.  Zachariah was serving in the temple - he was of a certain family - each family served at a certain time of year - we know when Zachariah was serving.  After his service was completed he went home to his wife - conceived John and when the angel told Mary she would give birth to Jesus - Elizabeth was 6 months pregnant. (Scriptures to reference for yourself if you would like to do your own detective work - Luke 1:5,8,23,24,26,36,38)

Now the symbols of mistletoe, holly, pine trees, stockings, santa, and so many other 'traditions' also have their place in the worship of other 'deities'

 But from ancient Celtic and Norse mythology we also enjoy such holiday traditions as holly and mistletoe (sacred to the druids), the yule log, and even Santa Claus in his aspects of Father Time, or Father Winter, or the Holly King as part of our Yule History.We have to go back a bit find the pagan legend and myth associated with Santa. One of the first places to start is with the Germanic people and the Norse God Odin. The 13th Century Poetic Edda is a complication of stories and poems from Scandinavian history, some as early 985AD. In this work and from Snorri Sturluson's Prose Edda we learn about Odin riding an eight-legged horse named Sleipnir, that can leap great distances. At Yule, Odin leads a great hunting party through the sky in celebration. This story gives rise to comparisons of Santa and his 8 reindeer flying through the sky. In some traditions of Odin's Yule time ride, children could place their boots near the chimney filled with treats for Sleipnir and Odin would reward them for their kindness with food, candy or gifts. The tradition still continues Belgium, Germany and the Netherlands. In other Germanic countries the practice has been replaced with hanging stockings. 

 What about the tradition of giving gifts?  Where did this come from?

Ancient pagan deities such as Befana (a gift-giving Roman goddess); the Holly King (a Celtic Winter god); and Thor and Tomte (Norse gods who, respectively, rode across the sky in a chariots drawn by goats and gave presents to children at the end of the year) have all fed into the Santa legend. In many of these early pagan legends, presents are given to children or young families to represent abundance and fertility. After all this is the time of the rebirth of the Sun. Presents were exchanged to honor that rebirth and to give wishes or hopes to the person receiving the gift for abundance and fertility in the coming year. Though many of the stories retold today cannot be verified and are likely just oral stories that were created to entertain children and to further incorporate pagan legends with Christian figures."

I could have inserted quotes from a page of a Christ follower as it would contain the same factual information, but I thought it much more enlightening to link this one from a pagan.

What is the issue with items in our homes which have been offered to the false god's of other religions, it doesn't mean that to me, I am not worshiping a false god!   This is not the question - because we are not worshipping idols - we do not believe in those things and 1Corinthians 8 has already settled this question!

The real question is - Should we repurpose items used in the worship of false gods and incorporate them into the worship of God?   For me - I firmly believe that no, we should not.

1Peter 2:1-5
So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech. Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness. You are coming to Christ, who is the living cornerstone of God’s temple. He was rejected by people, but he was chosen by God for great honor. And you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple. What’s more, you are his holy priests. Through the mediation of Jesus Christ, you offer spiritual sacrifices that please God. (emphasis mine)

1 Peter 1: 13-15 So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world. So you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy."
Much of this has been recent in it's revelation, but we are learning and seeking a new and better way, God's way.


What are some good things we have discovered about this holiday? or Holy Day?

Singing praises, hymns and songs celebrating the birth of the Savior.

Luke 1:46- 55
46 Mary responded,
“Oh, how my soul praises the Lord.
47 How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!
48 For he took notice of his lowly servant girl,
and from now on all generations will call me blessed.
49 For the Mighty One is holy,
and he has done great things for me.
50 He shows mercy from generation to generation
to all who fear him.
51 His mighty arm has done tremendous things!
He has scattered the proud and haughty ones.
52 He has brought down princes from their thrones
and exalted the humble.
53 He has filled the hungry with good things
and sent the rich away with empty hands.
54 He has helped his servant Israel
and remembered to be merciful.
55 For he made this promise to our ancestors,
to Abraham and his children forever.”

Luke 2:13-14 Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God and saying, “Glory to God in highest heaven,
and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.”


Rejoicing and worshiping, thankful for God's provision

Luke 2:6-7 And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. She gave birth to her first child, a son. She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them.

There is a tree - although it is an olive tree and not a pine tree

Romans 11:17-20
But some of these branches from Abraham’s tree—some of the people of Israel—have been broken off. And you Gentiles, who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now you also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children, sharing in the rich nourishment from the root of God’s special olive tree. But you must not brag about being grafted in to replace the branches that were broken off. You are just a branch, not the root.
 “Well,” you may say, “those branches were broken off to make room for me.” Yes, but remember—those branches were broken off because they didn’t believe in Christ, and you are there because you do believe. So don’t think highly of yourself, but fear what could happen. For if God did not spare the original branches, he won’t spare you either.

But most importantly holding onto Faith and believing God for His promises.

Isaiah 9:6-7
For a child is born to us,
a son is given to us.
The government will rest on his shoulders.
And he will be called:
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
His government and its peace
will never end.
He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David
for all eternity.
The passionate commitment of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies
will make this happen!

Matthew 1:23 "Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means 'God is with us.'" 
Goodnight,
Amanda

 

 

SB 248 Withdrawn!!

Post by Senator Capri S. Cafaro.

This is great news for all homeschooling families in Ohio. 

I sincerely hope that Senator Cafaro will indeed follow up with Children's Services and find out exactly how and why this child was left in such terrible circumstances. Our prayers go out to Teddy's family tonight.  It must be terribly disappointing to believe that you had followed the correct channels to address this issue, only to discover that in truth it was the failed follow up of the local agency that likely contributed to this young man's death.  We are so sorry for your loss!

Ohio Senate Bill (SB) 248

I want to bring to your attention Ohio Senate Bill 248 -  commonly known as 'Teddy's law'.  If this were to become law there would be significant changes to homeschooling - including the option of social services to recommend that your child NOT be excused from school.

Senate Bill (SB) 248 was introduced on December 3, 2013, and would require children’s services to review all homeschool notices (the paper you turn in each year) to determine whether homeschooling is “in the best interest of the child.” Under this proposed legislation, children’s services would be required to meet with parents who choose to homeschool and conduct separate in-person interviews with each of their children. Children’s services would then make a recommendation for or against the excuse from compulsory school attendance.

Children’s services would automatically be required to recommend against homeschooling if they determine it is not in the child’s “best interest” or if the family has any record of a child welfare investigation, regardless of the result of that investigation. If there is a recommendation against homeschooling, the superintendent would be ordered to delay excusing the children from public education for the purposes of homeschooling until the family participates in a CPS parenting “intervention.”  (Basically, you would have an open case with Child Protective Services)

The ramifications of this law would not only negatively effect those currently homeschooling (about 20,000 children in Ohio) and intimidate families considering home schooling, it would also take the limited number of social service workers away from serious cases of abuse and focus their attention on home schooling families simply because they choose to home school. 
The writers of this law assume that homeschooling is abusive and that parents can not be trusted with the safety of their own children, rather government workers should be trusted with the safety and education of all children.  

Here is the Grandfather of the victim explaining this in his own words with Ohio Senator Cafaro 




The most tragic part of this story is the young man who lost his life.  Teddy's abuse was reported by friends, neighbors, public school educators and even other family members.  The very people this bill places in charge of the safety of home educated children, are those who ignored the pleas of multiple mandatory reporters and ultimately contributed to Teddy's death by doing nothing.

Please do not assume that some one else will respond to this proposed legislation.  As parents WE are called to protect and advocate for our children, not CHEO, or the HSLDA, or even our home school group leaders.
I respectfully ask that you take a moment to contact - via phone call - your state representative. 

When you contact these offices be firm and polite. Although this law is misguided, it was drafted in response to a terrible tragedy, and we should keep Teddy’s family in our thoughts and prayers.

If you live in Licking, Perry or Coshocton County your representative is:
Tim Schaffer - also a member of the Education committee - not eligible for another term
Senate Building
1 Capitol Square, 2nd Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-5838

If you live in Fairfield or Muskingum County your representative is:
Troy Balderson -also a member of the education committee - he is up for re-election in 2016
Senate Building
1 Capitol Square, Ground Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-8076

You can contact the bill’s sponsors using the following contact information:

Senator Cafaro (Primary Sponsor)
1 Capitol Square, Ground Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-7182
Email: http://www.ohiosenate.gov/senate/cafaro/contact

Senator Brown (Cosponsor)
1 Capitol Square, Ground Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-5204
Email: http://www.ohiosenate.gov/senate/brown/contact

Senator Turner (Cosponsor)
1 Capitol Square, 2nd Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-4583
Email: http://www.ohiosenate.gov/senate/turner/contact

Senator Schiavoni (Cosponsor)
1 Capitol Square, 2nd Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 466-8285
Email: http://www.ohiosenate.gov/senate/schiavoni/contact

 Here is a link to the full HSLDA story http://www.hslda.org/cms/?q=bill%2Fsenate-bill-248-require-childrens-services-review-homeschooling

"Can I be a cat?"

I am re-blogging this from January 2008.  It seems like just yesterday, but it was nearly 5 years ago!  Feeling sentimental - and if you ever hear us tell one of our children to 'be a cat' now you'll know what that means =)

A few nights ago Drason was dropping me off in front of South gate, it was really windy, so he dropped me at the door. Another driver proceeded to screech around him, honk and make a certain gesture. Macguines' asks his dad why he didn't respond. Drason tells Macguines "Be at peace." Everyone is quite for a few seconds while thinking this over, then Mason asks:

"Can I be a cat?"

Almost as funny as a reptile story I heard once :-)

But it got me to thinking....

How does one manage to be at peace?
Well, I guess there are three ways.

One is to be at peace with the lost.

Luke 6 :27-36 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. "

I know there are times I fail at this. Have you ever tried to return something to the store after Christmas, and wanted to chew out a sales clerk for not refunding the money? Ever gestured back at someone?

The second way is to be at peace with other Christians:

1 Thessalonians 5: 4-15
"But you, brothers, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

Have you ever heard the saying "If you want peace, prepare for war" It sounds like Paul had. First he says, you belong to the light, Jesus, so act like it. And then, put on the armor of God and live in peace, encouraging one another. Another verse that comes to mind. "1 Peter 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." Be careful that you aren't the one everyone else is struggling to live in peace with.

The third is to be at peace with God:
Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I don't know about you, but being at peace seems like a lot of work. How on earth does one accomplish this?

For the Christian, peace starts with a right relationship with God.

So "Be at peace" starts with me.

Now, how does one be a cat?