Homeschooling through High School - Blindspots - part 3

This is the last segment addressing some common sense solutions to the 'Home School Blindspots' listed in this article http://www.joshharris.com/2011/09/homeschool_blindspots.php  .  While I can agree many of the points made in the article, I had some major difficulty with the lack of common sense solutions provided.  Clearly, these solutions are what has worked for my family, and they may or may not work for yours, but the thought behind this is - let's not simply sit back and be critical - lets see how we can address these common issues.


7.) Over Dependence on Sheltering

We have all heard this in homeschooling.  It comes in the form of 'socialization' arguments, or well meaning extended family members.  I am not going to rehash why homeschooling is sheltering, why that shelter is needed, and how that shelter protects, provides, and children who have this shelter thrive and are very well socialized.  It is my job to shelter, period.
What I will talk about is how that sheltering can appear to teens.  I have a friend who has a son who really wanted to play a sport.  Her high school aged son lived in a school district that allowed kids to play sports at the school as long as they took two classes in the public school.  Her son, very athletic and energetic, begged - I mean BEGGED to be allowed to play, and so mom and dad agreed.  They went to the school, they enrolled him in the two classes. 
Within the first month of school there was a definite shift in their child.  My oldest is good friends with this boy and came to me with serious concerns that the boy might harm himself because he was so depressed.  He said he felt a dark cloud of oppression around the boy, and it scared him.  I encouraged my son to be a good friend, and I spoke to the mom about Macguines' concerns.  She said it had been a hard adjustment, but she thought it was beneficial to stop sheltering her son at this age.  A few weeks later she called to tell me her son had been attacked by three students in the locker room where there were no cameras or witnesses.  The three boys said her son started it and her son bore the brunt of the punishment - suspension - from the school. Still trying to work with the school, deceived by the officials, she allowed her son to continue.  It wasn't until the coach called and told her that her son would not be able to play sports since he didn't 'fit in' that they finally removed their son from this harmful situation.  I am sure there is more to this story and I do not relate it to pass judgment on this family.  I know they did what they thought was best for their child - and this is all any of us can do.  Her teen thought that he was being unfairly sheltered, prevented from the thing he wanted more than anything - he did not see his parents as his protectors, he saw them as his jailers.  This was not a correct assessment - and what 14 year really knows as much as they think they do?
At the same time - I think about this and the thought of 'over sheltering' children. My sons are in middle school and high school, they are not adults, they are still discovering who they are.  I sincerely believe that jr. high and high school is likely the WORST time to re-enroll a child in public school.  As a teen, they are shaping who they are in Christ, who they want to be, their dreams, their goals, and who they admire.  This isn't the time to throw them in with the sharks and hope they can not only swim, but survive, even if they BEG to be allowed to attend school.
Obviously, we plan to homeschool through high school.  I have heard the arguments from parents which say 'I want my kids to have ________ experience' or 'I went to high school and I turned out ok' or 'How will they discover who they are?' or 'I don't think I can teach high school classes' or 'I don't want my kids to be weird'  or 'They really want to go to school!' And while each of these arguments are sincerely held, none of them, NONE OF THEM, address the root argument here - Homeschooling is my calling.  It is what is God's call for my family.  It was not lifted when my boys turned the magical age of 13. We can have experiences, discovery and non-weirdness and still homeschool, but we can't be obedient to God if we aren't homeschooling.  Until God lifts that call - we will be homeschooling.  God's will isn't mysterious - He wants us to understand - if you are struggling with this - I would encourage you to follow the steps for a quiet time below and pray every single day for God to give you an answer.  By the way, in my experience,  no answer is a NO answer.

So, within homeschooling, how do we provide a safe environment, without over sheltering?
#1 - Create Community
I co-lead a homeschool co-op.  We have students there from preschool through high school.  This is a safe environment where my sons can have their own friends yet still be within the safety of a group that shares their values and beliefs.  This not only provides them with a social outlet, it reinforces the ideals they are taught at home.  For my personal family, we have talked about because their mom is the leader - it is possible that some students are nice to them to gain status and not because they are true friends.  You don't have to start a co-op to create a place for your student to step out a little bit - you could host a small study group at your home, you could start a special interest group with Legos or Band or Drama or Computers.  Find a way for your student to have community with their peers, which also involves you as an observer. As the leader, I have to be especially careful to step back and let the kids go.  I know this is a safe place, so I have to consciously step back and let them be in their own relationships.  This is harder than it sounds and I sometimes struggle with it, but it is absolutely necessary.
#2 - Interview
Yes it sounds a little odd, but my husband and I interview groups where our teens want to participate. Your teen may respond with  'That is sooo embarrassing' Why?  Why is this embarrassing?  Do you think that Dad lets Mom go anywhere and do anything without first checking to make sure it is safe? No. This is an example of Biblical leadership - Christ went first, and He doesn't send us where He himself did not go first.
So, we interviewed the youth pastor, and then another one, and then another one -three total - until we found a youth group that cut a good middle between having fun together and studying God's word and growing in community together. We interviewed a family that was a part of a local homeschooling group to see if we wanted to let our children participate there.  We interviewed the leaders of a Christian football program to see if they really taught what they said they believed. We interviewed a band director to see if he was really interested in the spiritual and not just the band. These are the ones that passed the interview - we interviewed others that did not pass.  They said 'Christian' but they lived clique.  They said 'Believers' but they lived all business, not grace, not love, not Christ.  Find places for your teens to participate in community, but INTERVIEW the community before you let them attend.  Those who are like minded, won't mind, and those do mind, don't matter.
#3 - Step back - way back. 
Mom - There is this tendency for people to think that because I am a homeschooling mom that I am not busy and so I should step up to help in every single arena where my kids participate.  They have clever ways of 'asking' for help couched in 'there is no one else to do it' or 'you aren't busy because your kid is here, right?'  I have the desire to see my kids.  I love them!  I want to be in community with them - so I am sometimes easy to convince because I want to be around them!  To all the mom's out there - and I am speaking to myself on this one too - Step back! Teens are able to manage, in certain environments, without you.  If you feel high pressure to commit to helping - consult with your husband before you commit.  SAY 'I will have to talk to my husband about that' before you commit to anything, and then, of course, talk to your husband.  Allow him to guard your schedule - but also allow him to stand in the gap for you and say to ministry leaders "If you need help, you will need to talk to me, not my wife." They may not like that response, they may try to push it, keep resting in your hubby and let him handle it!  If you absolutely have to commit, commit to be in a behind the scenes, very limited role- like 'I can bring snacks' - every teen gathering needs snacks =)
Teens - I am their co-op leader, so I am intentionally NOT involved in their other activities.  Teens need to have some space - it is in controlled environments - but it is their space.  They need to learn to be in community without their parents there to manage every detail.  They need time to be with other like minded teens and they need some freedom to make their own friendships.  Since we have interviewed the leaders of these ministries, we are comfortable letting them go.  This is not to say that every experience is a positive one.  Our teens have experienced gossipy girls, cliques, bullies, pecking order, and many other common teenage situations.  These experiences are things they discussed with us - in part - but also things that they gained confidence through coping with by themselves.  It was often painful to watch, but I thank God for the mercy and grace to allow me to step back and let it ride.  They gained the perspective to say "This activity wasn't fun last year (because of some of the people here), but I am going to stay another year because things can change and I am making friends." 

8.) Not passing on a Pure Faith
The church in Galatia was a great church - they had wonderful works.  I am sure they packed shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child, put on a spectacular Christmas productions, had free community meals, they participated in home school co-ops,  they abstained from anything that might look bad.  But they needed to understand one thing - good works do not equal a relationship with Jesus Christ.
I am deeply convinced that the reason young adults leave the church is because they have knowledge of how to be moral, but no knowledge of how to be in a relationship with Jesus.  The reason for this?  Lack of spiritual training.  Why?  Lack of spiritual knowledge by the adults in their lives.  Ouch!
We are so concerned for the way they are perceived by others, their reputation, that we overlook the way they are perceived by the Lord.  This is one of those things that I am on my knees, on my face, before the Lord about, constantly.  I am praying in the school room, praying at the foot of their beds, praying at their co-op, praying at the kitchen table, praying, praying, praying.  Lord give me wisdom to teach them how to be in relationship with You. 
The number one way I can teach this - the Bible.  There have been many books written about the Bible, someone's view of Biblical teaching, but the source is the Bible.  Start here.  We have asked our sons to do a daily quiet time. This is something we ourselves did not know how to do until we were adults -so here is a step by step guide.

Before you begin
1 - Pick a time -do it every day
2 - Have a Bible you understand -I love the NLT
3 - Have a notebook and a pencil

When you start
1 - Pray and ask God to speak to you
2 - Begin reading any book in the New Testament
3 - Read until something speaks to you - until you read something that jumps out at you - or 1 chapter.
4 - Write what you learned, how you feel about it, apply it to your life.
5 - Pray about the topic, thank God, submit your requests to the Lord - anything that is on your mind.
6 - write more if you need to =)

The Next Day
1 - Open your Bible to where you left off yesterday
2 - Pray and ask God to speak to you
3 - Read until something speaks to you - until you read something that jumps out at you - or 1 chapter.
4 - Write what you learned, how you feel about it, apply it to your life.
5 - Pray about the topic, thank God, submit your requests to the Lord - anything that is on your mind.
6 - write more if you need to =)

In addition to this, we have also added some character training to our home school.  We like this book for boys.  I have seen this book recommended for girls.  I also like some of the resources on this page http://thecharactercorner.com/character-store/

Developing a relationship with Christ is key - and as a parent, I can not teach what I do not know.  My relationship with Christ has to be right before I can have relationship - real, deep, abiding, love relationships with my husband, or my children.  Then, and only then, can I encourage this relationship in their lives.  Father help me, have mercy and bless me in spite of me.  On my face again and again before Him.  This is how we teach this. This is the only way to teach this.

9.)  Not cultivating a love relationship with our children

This is so important - so let me repeat myself
My relationship with Christ has to be right before I can have relationship - real, deep, abiding, love relationships with my husband, or my children. 
 Here are some practical ways to cultivate that relationship, think 'What does Christ do for me?'

Listen.  Really listen to what they have to say.  There is no issue with respectful questioning. 
Avoid arbitrary responses and decisions.  I saw a facebook post giving parents advice to respond to their children with 'asked and answered'  Wow - spectacularly bad advice for talking to teens.  Can you imagine the intense dislike and anger you would feel for ministry leaders, your husband, your boss at work, if they responded to your reasonable request with 'asked and answered?!?!?!'  You want to see an adult flip out -try giving them this response when they ask you a question.  Only the most arrogant people would ever attempt this - don't use it on your children, please!!! Build relationship by listening to them, and hearing them, and sometimes the answer is 'I'll think about it.'

Give the reason behind the rule. Use the Bible to clearly illustrate the reason we don't text after 9pm, the reason we hold the door in the rain, or carry things for the pregnant ladies, or volunteer to help clean up, or befriend the friendless, or do things we don't always enjoy doing. Teaching them to love others as they love themselves brings them into a closer relationship with others, with their parents, and most importantly, with the Lord.

Let them make as many decisions as possible.  Sometimes God lets us screw up.  Some of us have to learn by doing.  Letting my teens make as many decisions as possible is sometimes painful to watch, but it helps them to learn the right and the wrong ways to do things, and to fully understand a concept.

Love them unconditionally, and show them love constantly.  They will fall.  One of the most impactful statements I have ever made to my son is 'I was so disappointed with you.'  It is because of the relationship that this makes an impact.  There are some rules for this relationship - I will never harm you.  I always, always, always have what is very best for YOU at the front of my mind (even when it is not necessarily what is easiest for me),  I am your biggest cheerleader, I will believe you and have your back when others accuse you, I will correct you at home and in private whenever possible.  If I correct you in public, it is because it is absolutely needed.


The common thread to all of this - relationship.  If I am in a right relationship with Christ - I am able to be in a right relationship with my teens and I am able to bring them into a right relationship with Christ which keeps them in relationship with me. 

Build those relationships!

Homeschooling through High School - Blindspots - pt 2

A few weeks ago I began writing about a blog post I had seen awhile back and then it resurfaced from a friend and again I began thinking about this post and how it really needed some common sense solutions, some practical application added in...

Homeschool Blind Spots.  The farther I really read this article, the more in depth the topics become - so I am thinking a part 3 is probably in order =) 



5. Depending on Formulas - As homeschooling has been a part of our lives for quite some time now, we have learned that there is no one size fits all curriculum, no basic do this and that and achieve the greatest kids ever. The author takes a different view - he cites that homeschooling families are depending too much on themselves or 'even biblical formulas' to educate and bring our kids into a relationship with Christ. In the words of my dear old grandma, Hogwash! How dangerous it is that this man says 'everything good comes from God' and "We are completely God's workmanship' and concludes that we must then discard any method or formula to simply say we rely on God for everything. Yes, we do rely on God for everything, but that doesn't mean that I should sit on my hands. 'Do we sin so that grace may abound, certainly not!' God never told us to believe and then sit. He said believe, and OBEY, GO into all the world, MAKE disciples, TEACH your children, LIVE in the world. The New Testament is chock full of ways to bring up disciples in the Lord. Both things to do, and things not to do - I think we might call these- Formulas!

When our local superintendent of schools asked me why I choose to home school, I told him it was because of the 'culture'. He argued that the culture of each school is different, and I agree with that completely - even the culture of each homeschool is different. Maybe you have noticed the verse at the top of this blog - we do teach our children when we rise up and when we lay down, we have a culture of learning -but more than that - we have a culture of leaning. I am not the best speller, but I did spell that correctly - we learn and we lean. We lean on the Lord. We depend on Him for everything, and He has some formulas. Homeschooling families in general tend to be rebels. So following formulas isn't really our thing. But there are some formulas that we should be following, depending on, leaning on, to shape the culture in our school. One formula is Hosea 6:6 'I want you to show love more than I want burnt offerings.' another is Psalms 37:3-4 'Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and feed on his faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.' or Philippians 4:13 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!' and John 15:4-5 'Remain in Me and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.' Jesus, the Word (John 1:1) didn't come to make things more complicated. Jesus came to cut through all religious refuse! He came specifically to GIVE the formula! No one can come to the Father except through a relationship with ME.

As a secondary note, there is no sin in learning from those who have homeschooling experience, asking for their advice, tips and yes - even their formulas. Why would we refuse what we know is good? As I look at the relationships in my own life with other homeschooling mothers, I know that some of these women were ordained meetings, God brought us together to help and support each other! How foolish would it be to refuse that in search of some holier, new, inventive way. Jesus doesn't need a bunch of savants, he needs a bunch of obedient servants! Don't be the man who buries his talons, DO something with what God has given you! This is especially true with teens and young believers - give them something to DO! They are on fire for the Lord. Give them some training - ask them to spend time in God's word and then talk it over together. Send them on a mission trip, partner them with mentors - these aren't just formulas - they are Biblical teaching - and they work!


6. Over-Dependence on Authority and Control - He comes to the end of this and says we must win the hearts of our teenage children in order to influence what they do, not just legislate or depend on rules and authority. This is half of the truth. We have rules in our house. Rules like no texting after 9pm because we need to be respectful of other people. These rules are important - and they do hand in hand with the last point in this article about formulas. Texting might be new to this generation, but treating others with respect hails back to the days of Moses! Part of homeschooling is getting the opportunity to teach your children some life truths that the world doesn't want them to know. Such as:
Rules aren't there to hurt you, bind you, stifle you - they are there to protect you from harm.
Rules aren't arbitrary - there is always a reason, sometimes you don't see it.
Obedience is 'cool' - it is WAY COOL to share intimacy with just your spouse and not a community.
My Job, as your parent, is to help make you a good parent someday, a good husband, a good man. So my words of correction to you aren't there to hurt you - they are there to teach you.
It is better that you learn from the instruction of your parents then to learn that disrespect is unacceptable when you have a family to support and get fired from your job.

As our children have grown up we have not hidden these truths from them - or often given the reason for obedience of 'because I said'. We listen to them when they tell us why they don't want to follow a certain rule, and while it is rare that the rule will be lifted. It isn't rare that the reason for the rule - the life lesson that needs to be learned - will be given, taught, discussed and debated - sometimes for an hour. There is no punishment for asking why a rule must be followed if it is a genuine question. It can be very frustrating to have your teen (my teens) debate with me the merits of some rule I have made. But I have a secret weapon, it is sharper than a two edged sword.... God's word. When they ask the why - I can always, ALWAYS, always point them back to God's word - and His words aren't blind commands either - there is a reason - seek it out, follow His commands to the complete conclusion - God has my very best interest in mind - and the very best interest of my teens in mind. It is all about relationship - my relationship with them, my relationship with the Lord, their relationship with me, their relationship with the Lord. Living in relationship is hope and healing and a forever future.

Happy Homeschooling
Amanda

Homeschooling through High School - The Pecking Order

I have been kicking this around in my brain for a while now.  I hear snippets of conversations, see behaviors rewarded, other behaviors punished.  I see sons damaged who know they are damaged and sons damaged who do not know they are damaged and I think. 

I think about the kind of men I want my sons to be.  I think about the men they are called to be.  I think. 

I think a lot. These kids aren't my kids, but I still think about them. I still pray for them.

There is a kid I know who is a sweet kid.  He wants to please others, but he also wants his own way.  What teen doesn't?  His mother, nice lady, loves God, tries hard, constantly ridicules and corrects him in front of other people.  Kid deflates, gets angry, sulks, yells - feels humiliated.  Other kids pick on this kid - kid lashes out - mom can't figure out why. 

There is a kid I know who is a bully.  Mom thinks he hung the moon.  She ridicules her other children, but openly praises this one.  The kid struts around like a mean rooster looking for someone to tear up.  He found my kid - inner mom wants to eat this pompous brat - outer mom waits for son to find his own way.   Son is not used to kids like this one - he is frustrated, angry and relieved when bully finds a new stomping ground.  I am relieved too.

There is a kid I know who has no self control or desire to be a good kid.  His mom turns a blind eye, when she sees him act up she cries.  Dad isn't around much, kid runs the house.  Kid lashes out at another kid.  Lashed kid is shocked, his mouth hangs open, he tells an adult.  No control kid laughs and continues bad behavior, mother cries.

There is a kid I know who isn't the biggest kid, other kids pick at him.  Kid discovers that he is the smartest kid.  He finds his identity in his intelligence.  God calls now almost a man kid to serve in a way that does not require genius level intelligence- kid is afraid of losing standing - kid starts trying to be the most spiritual kid- kid struggles with God's call.

There is a kid I know who is nice to everyone.  He goes out of his way to be kind, he is faithful, honest, reliable and self assured.  Kid is above the fray of other kids jockeying for position - mom keeps trying to put him into this place or that place to help with socialization.  I want to say - STOP - your kid is already socialized very well - you have done a fantastic job!  Stop worrying!  Kid looks confused like 'am I supposed to participate in this mess?'
There is a kid I know who was very rebellious, he gave his parents fits.  Today his rebellion isn't overt.  He doesn't talk back, he doesn't speak against them, but he owns his own mind.  You can tell this kid is just biding his time until he is released from his parents.  His heart is set, his mind is set, and it isn't a good set - he is lost and seems determined to stay that way. Parents are happy with kids behavior, kid is happy parents don't yell at him anymore.

There is a kid I know who is now a man.  He never fit in anywhere.  He looked for friends but he was too far outside of normal to be accepted.  His mom let him stay home.  Then his mom let him do whatever he wanted.  He didn't want to study or learn, and his mom beat her head against the wall trying to teach him. Then he became a man and realized that what other people thought didn't matter as much as what he thought.  He decided to make something of himself, so he did.

There is a kid I know who now is a man.  Acceptance came easy for him.  He was always praised, crowned, leader of the pack.  I am sure that he faced some adversity in his life, but I could not tell you what it was and I have known him for many years.  He became a man.  He struggled.  His self was not based on who God said he was, or who he knew himself to be, his self was based on who others said he was.  He is a janitor now, he hangs his head.  He thinks it is demeaning to be a servant.  I want to tell him that it is not - that we are all called to serve and this is but a season of life -but he is not my son.

There are three boys I have.  I think they are wonderful.  I try not to tell them that because I don't want them to think they hung the moon.  God hung the moon. I am not a perfect mom.  My husband is not a perfect dad.  We do not subscribe to the idea of a pecking order.  We know that it exists and we know that it is wrong.  I have read Christian books about how good it is to have pecking order in boys, in the church, in the community.  These people are foolish.  Their words directly contradict God's Word.  The first shall be last, Jesus the servant sacrifice, sitting at the foot of the table, some of you are reigning already....on and on.

Some psychologists will tell you it is a natural part of growing up, that you can not shelter your kids from a pecking order and they are correct.  It is a natural part of life for a lost person - to see your worth as nothing more than the clothes you wear or the friends you make or the car you drive.  To spend life in the endless striving for popularity, success, money, power, prestige.  Here is a sermon link about this very topic http://vimeo.com/60022674 But there are a lot of other things that are also 'natural' for a lost person. They are not natural for my sons.  Once they were slaves to sin - dead - a part of the barren tree of Adam.  Today they have been grafted into the tree of Jesus - the old has passed away - they are a new creation in Christ - they are no longer slaves of sin - they are now slaves of righteousness - if they remain in Jesus (His will) they will bear much fruit. 

So if we do not teach our children how to survive the pecking order, what do we teach them?
Teach them to love God - remain in Him and seek Him  - Seek Him everyday!  He is Good, His will is perfect, He knows what He is doing, He loves us unconditionally, He will never hurt us - even when our circumstances hurt - God is faithful.
Teach them that life isn't about stumbling through, putting one foot in front of the other, hoping to be able to breathe some day - life is living and rejoicing in the Lord.  We can have joy even in darkness.  We can have joy even in suffering.  We can have joy in the mundane - Joy is Faith and Faith is Obedience.
Teach them that you can't hoard Joy.  Joy must be given away, it must be shared, sown, splattered on the lives of those around us.  Serving is giving away Joy.  Giving gifts is giving away Joy.  Spending time with the lowly is giving away Joy.  Holding hands with the sick is giving away Joy. Simply telling someone how much they mean to us is giving away Joy. 

I know some people - a lot of people - who do not understand this.  They can be cold, cruel, hurtful and downright mean.  I want to run and hide.  I want to shelter my children away from this - but if I do that I hoard the Joy -and it becomes bitter and barren and joyless.  If I do this I am participating in the pecking order by telling these people I am not worthy to participate.

The pecking order is sin simplified and displayed in children - it puts me first - my wishes - my will
I can not teach my children to run away.  I can not teach them to fight for a place.  I have to teach them God's way.  His way is being a slave of righteousness and counting it joy if the world hates you and being above the fray when people act like chickens.

And do you know who is above the chickens?  Eagles.  They soar with wings like Eagles, they walk and do not grow weary. They run and do not faint.

Teach your sons to be Eagles. 

Homescholling through Highschool - Blindspots

I recently came across this article - http://www.joshharris.com/2011/09/homeschool_blindspots.php  which is a repost of another article which I read a while ago and I remember chewing on it for a little while - puzzling it through and then thinking - Where were the solutions? Where were the practical, Biblical nuggets of advice for how to correct these things? 

So below are my responses to the homeschooling blind spots.  It's true that we all have blind spots.  It isn't true that there are no solutions to these issues or that we need to throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water!

Blind spot 1. Having Self-Centered Dreams
Some of the best advice ever given me by a Veteran Homeschooling Mom (VHM)  was to allow my children to determine their own path. WHAT?  I know that I gave her a rather quizzical look and she explained what she meant.  Every child, EVERY CHILD, has gifts and abilities, they have dreams and ambitions and goals.  As a parent of a younger child, my job is to provide appropriate opportunities to help them, and me, to discover these gifts .  As a parent of a teen, my job is to support that future -whatever it may be.  While I may have dreams of a four year college and elite scholarship opportunities, their dreams may not be like that at all!  If I continue to push for my way, to the exclusion of their dreams and ideas,  I am teaching them to value their wants over others needs.  If the dream I have of college is mostly about adult income - I may be teaching them to value money over God's calling in their lives.  And if we continue to push them, despite all evidence and desires of their hearts, am I not setting them up to fail? Will they not resent me in their adulthood? Why then would I be surprised if I raised children who abandoned their families, pursued money as an idol and were self-centered.

Blind Spot 2. Raising Family as an Idol

There is a time and a place for everything and to everything under heaven there is a season.  How does one place family as an idol?   We are given a limited amount of time here on earth and we have some things that we are called to do.  The most important of which is sharing the gospel. All believers are called to share the gospel.  We are also called to be in fellowship with one another.  We are also called to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  So how does sitting at home on a Saturday figure into that?  I am reminded of Paul who said 'Some of you are reigning already'  He was speaking to the new Christians and reminding them that they had some things that they needed to be doing - not just celebrating the good life while their neighbors were destined for Hell.  I think the only cure for this is service.  I can still hang with the family while serving meals at the local shelter and at the same time teach my children that Life isn't all about us.   High school is the time when our kids and finding the things that really peak their interest, things they enjoy. A lot.  If I teach my children that it is ok to have an idol - like my family - which I enjoy - A LOT - then they will think it is ok for them to have the idol that THEY enjoy - A LOT.  Life isn't all about enjoyment, pleasure, or relaxing. We were placed here to DO something - so we had better get to it! My suggestion would first be to dedicate yourselves to a group of believers -find a place to be challenged in the Word with others.  Then, find a place to serve, and serve the Lord with your whole hearts - even if it means sacrificing some family (video game/football/hangout/youth trip/you tube/ teenager) time!  

Blind Spot 3. Emphasizing Outward Form

I really hate this one - and I know that I am guilty of this one.  How many times have I said to my children 'You had better be as well behaved as the **** girls!'  It is so easy to focus on outward behavior, it is much more difficult and time consuming to focus on issues of the heart!   I am by no means an expert in this, but we have learned a few things by the GRACE of God! Teens are especially susceptible to this blind spot.  Someone once told me that my kids were so lucky to be homeschooling because they wouldn't feel the pressure to conform.  If only that were true.  Even home school kids feel the pressure to conform - but it is usually the pressure to be super spiritual, or act like your life is perfect, or use the right church speak.  I don't want my kids to be offensive, but at the same time I want to instill in them the importance of being a human being rather than a human pretending to be perfect.  Even in homeschool circles there are teenage cliques, groups, and social pressures to be the most best better than so and so.  A few years ago we stumbled across a book Preparing your Son for Everyman's Battle.  This book was a tool for my husband to begin an open dialogue with our sons about their hearts.  It is only the grace of God that allowed this to happen.  It was the right time, the right season, the right book, the right supports in Drason's life - all of these things worked together to shape our children.  This book might not be for everyone (there is also a girl version of this book) but it was a tool.  We desired and developed a close relationship with our children through talking about their concerns and having an attitude of acceptance and openness.  When kids had issues they were working through we went to God's Word together and talked it out sometimes explaining the deeper things of Christ. Teaching them about the attitude of Christ has helped to teach them how to love other people, accept other people, and has helped prevent cliques in many of our circles.  Another tool towards working on the inward soul was AWANA.  Our children attended AWANA each week and memorized Bible verses.  They enjoyed this time with their friends, but this time was also focused on learning God's word! 

Blind Spot 4. Tending to Judge

My sister once said to me "You think you are better than everyone because you homeschool!"  She compared me to a relative who, years ago, had told us how her children were better than my mother's children because they went to a private school. Looking at the results, all three of her children are believers, they all are married and have beautiful families.  Our family is not so picture perfect and there was some truth to what she said, but the way she said it wasn't as kind as I am sure she meant it.  As a homeschooling mom I have been approached by one mom or another who thought they had the answer to all of my homeschooling problems and who, well meaning, gave me some one size fits all 'if your kid could be like my kid' advice.  I know that I have also been on the giving end of this kind of advice and thank the LORD my friend didn't kick me, or leave, but just ignored me and later told me how my words had not been as uplifting as they were in my own mind. The root of all this?  Pride.  How do we conquer this?  Sometimes I think God keeps my life busy enough that I don't have time to look at everyone else's life - I had better just focus on my own.  There are two types of judging - one that judges the lost and one that judges the other believer.  My hubby wrote an entire blog on why judging the world is a foolish waste of time - and if you would like to read it you can find it here  - http://sillinfam.blogspot.com/2009/03/stupid-baby-eat-your-sandwich.html
What are some ways that homeschoolers demonstrate their pride? Excluding people from our circles based on their method of instruction, church membership (or lack thereof), or ideas.  Touting home instruction as the only instruction.  Judging not only people outside of our circles, but within.  This mom doesn't discipline her children enough, that one uses an older curriculum.  The ways are endless but the solution is simple - serve one another and focus on the tasks God has given me to do.  This leads to me to peace, contentedness and into a better relationship with God and with others.

There are four more blind spots - I will post about those four at a later time.